Lewis Grizzard was an American humorist and writer.
Best Lewis Grizzard Quotes
I am convinced ginger ale can heal the sick and raise the dead. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
There’s no such thing as being too Southern. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
When my love comes back from the ladies’ room, will I be too old to care? ~ Lewis Grizzard.
I began a personal boycott of the Falcons and pro football in the late ’70s. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
I know lots of people that are educated far beyond their intelligence. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I’m Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
I don’t think I’ll get married again. I’ll just find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
Let’s all start walking more and driving less. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
I’d much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
Famous Lewis Grizzard Quotes
Things are more complex today, and I think humor has changed a great deal. People are more sensitive today. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
Spring time is the land awakening. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
Mama had an appreciation of the language. She taught me a love of words, of how they should be used and how they can fill a creative soul with a passion and lead to a life’s work. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’ ~ Lewis Grizzard.
Yankees don’t understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
I gave it up when Dandy Don left Monday Night Football when television replays were allowed to contradict the decisions of referees… ~ Lewis Grizzard.
I was afraid they kept the hogs in a pen out behind the hospital. I’ve been prepared for surgery and the doctor says to an orderly, ‘Leon, go out to the hog pen and get me a valve. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
Top Lewis Grizzard Quotes
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
If you want something sweet, order the pound cake. Anybody who puts sugar in the corn bread is a heathen who doesn’t love the Lord, not to mention Southeastern Conference football. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
I am not about to say that what I put in my body has nothing whatsoever to do with my health, but I suddenly am surrounded by a world of health experts, and it gets tiresome. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
Money doesn’t grow on trees, and if it did, someone else would own the orchard. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the cookie causes calorie leakage. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
Today’s sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again? ~ Lewis Grizzard.
The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
I learned the first rule about barbeque… you don’t put coleslaw in it. I think that’s in Deuteronomy somewhere. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
Popular Lewis Grizzard Quotes
In the south there’s a difference between ‘Naked’ and ‘Nekkid.’ ‘Naked’ means you don’t have any clothes on. ‘Nekkid’ means you don’t have any clothes on and you’re up to somethin’. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
Real estate agents are God’s plague on mankind when locusts are out of season. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
It’s better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
A lot of people won’t listen to old men. A lot of people are stupid. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
Great Lewis Grizzard Quotes
There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
Chilli dawgs always bark at night. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
I want my chicken fried, gravy on my steak, and I want my green beans cooked and my tomatoes served raw. Too many fancy restaurants serve their green beans raw and then they cook their tomatoes – and give you some sort of hard, dark bread with it. This is an unholy aberration I cannot abide. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
When I was a kid, the county in which I lived was dry. That is, you had to buy your booze from a bootlegger in order to keep the church people happy. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
I stopped being interested in pro football when I looked around and Johnny Unitas with his high top black shoes was gone. ~ Lewis Grizzard.
So these were the 50 top Lewis Grizzard quotes and sayings.