47 Best Andrew Dice Clay Quotes, Sayings and Jokes

Andrew Dice Clay is a famous stand-up comedian, actor, musician, and television and film producer from the United States.

Best Andrew Dice Clay Quotes


I just like to make people laugh. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.


I’ve always had my voice as a comic. I was never that into politics, or prop comedy. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.


Little Boy Blue… he needed the money! ~ Andrew Dice Clay.


When you jerk off, you’re saying “Hey”, I care about me. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.


When I do any stand-up, you’re the writer, director, and producer. You’re alone. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

If Lady Gaga didn’t put on all those outfits, she probably wouldn’t have made it in show business. She put a show behind her voice. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.


If you hide what you really are, then there’s going to be problems in marriage down the road. I don’t mind if a girl is aggressive. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

Being onstage and performing, the high of that, and people coming to see you, and getting to make them laugh – that’s what gets me hyped up. It’s a nervous excitement. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe. She had so many kids… her uterus fell out! ~ Andrew Dice Clay.


Even as a stage performer, I have my garb which is leather jackets and black jeans to make me feel a certain way. The wardrobe is really important to feeling the character you’re playing. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

I’m a Brooklyn guy onstage, and I try to really feed my fans with the kind of material they expect from me. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

Comics, a lot of them, are really depressed people, and I happen to be somebody that does have a lot of confidence. That’s the odd thing about my stand-up. I am very confident. I always was. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.


I always just loved women, but more important than loving women, more important than s*x*al stuff, is I always believed in romance. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

The whole world has changed, so you just stay current with the world. There’s nothing different in my language of how I say things. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

I always believed you could fix whatever problems. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.


I loved my family so much when I was growing up, my parents, my sister. I wanted to be able to give them everything they ever dreamed of. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

Top Andrew Dice Clay Quotes

I do whatever I do. I go to the club. I work on material. While other people are sleeping, I’m awake. I always liked that. I like being able to drive when there’s no traffic. It’s almost like you own the street at night. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.


I never go see a comic. The only one I’d ever really want to see is Don Rickles. He might be 80 years old, but he blows everyone out of the water. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

Anybody can go onstage and be dirty. You have to be funny, that’s the key. You can say anything as long as it’s funny. You can’t take it too seriously up there. And people coming to see you can’t take it too seriously. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.


I like when something makes you think after you stop watching. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

I want to be able to make people laugh as hard as they possibly can, and I really think they need that. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

You walk into my bedroom at night, it looks like a nightclub. There’s all kinds of lighting effects, there’s all kinds of music. I want them to feel like they’re in for a show. I believe in romance. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.


I’ve been getting in trouble my whole life and I really don’t care what anybody thinks of what I do on stage as a comic. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

I don’t get up and look at e-mail. I don’t even know my email address. I needed one just to have a computer put on. But I never, ever even thought of going to it. It’s just not what I’m about. I just don’t want to waste my life with it. It’s just too much; I think people are just a little too absorbed in all of that. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

Wise Andrew Dice Clay Quotes

Women today are the biggest pigs today in history. They are just the dirtiest, nastiest slobs. I don’t know how old your chick is, but the truth of the matter is they’ve become the aggressors. You know? They’re upset if you’re not balls deep in them by half way through the first date! They think you don’t like them. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.


I never became a recluse where I got away from people and who they are and how they think. I’m very much in touch with the world. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

I’ll always push myself because that’s the journey of life. We do go through things. Some of it’s incredibly great and some of it’s really bad. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

There are very few comics that understand about exciting the crowd, and that’s what I always prided myself on: giving a more confident macho attitude towards delivering material. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

I’m not the greatest husband – I’ve got a girlfriend. It doesn’t really please my wife, but then if I was looking to please her I wouldn’t have a girlfriend. I mean she knows about it, and I guess she’s okay with it. Plus my kids like both of them. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.


I like real girls. When they’re in bed with you, it’s not a show. They just want to do that. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

All the subject matter I talk about isn’t new; all comics talk about the same things. But it’s how you talk about them or present them or what you look like up there that makes the difference between an okay comic and a great one. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

Famous Andrew Dice Clay Quotes


I certainly don’t walk around my home or being with my family and just using profane language all the time, but on stage, it’s a constant. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

Anything that I wanted to do in my career that I wanted to do always worked out. The stuff I got talked into always failed. All the stuff I was talked into, by brilliant managers, because it always came down to, “Know how much money you’ll make?” And then it would just fail. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

I think that a lot of men, especially once they’re married, feel like their girl is just who she is, so don’t treat her too special. They shut her off, and having s** before you go to bed is like a sleeping pill. I always say, you’re supposed to remember the reason you even asked that girl out. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.


If it smells like fish its a dish. If it smells like cologne leave it alone. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

I lived in Beverly Hills for years. I always had a line, “I hate the rich.” From what I witnessed after living there for 15 years, these people just don’t raise their kids. I used to see the lineup of cars in front of the schools and it was all the nannies. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

Whether you’re gay, straight, you can’t tell anybody who to love and who to marry. It’s unconstitutional and it’s morally wrong. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

Women are now more aggressive than men! And I don’t put them down for it. I think it’s great. My attitude with s** with any woman I’ve ever been with is, I want you to be exactly who you want to be behind closed doors. Don’t ever hold back with me. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

Ultimate Andrew Dice Clay Quotes

When you’re at your own parents’ funeral, when you’re at somebody that you love’s funeral, you realize how precious life is. And you say, “As long as I can walk and I’m healthy, there’s always tomorrow.” ~ Andrew Dice Clay.


By the time kids are 15, they’re drunks and they’re drug addicts and they’re getting chicks pregnant. The parents wonder, “What did I do wrong?” What you did wrong was, you were never there. You had the kid as a status symbol, that’s what went wrong. And you’re paying the price for it. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

You gotta be happy when you wake up in the morning and look at what’s next to ya. You wanna just hop on it again. That’s how I feel. That’s what life is about. Because when you leave the house, it’s all misery anyway. ~ Andrew Dice Clay.

So these were the 47 top Andrew Dice Clay quotes and sayings on music and life.

If you like these quotes and sayings, then you can also read my other posts on Robin Wall Kimmerer quotes and Helio Gracie quotes.

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Chandan Negi
Chandan Negi

I’m the Founder of Internet Pillar - I love sharing quotes and motivational content to inspire and motivate people - #quotes #motivation #internetpillar