62 Best Dorothy Parker Quotes from The American Satirist

Dorothy Parker, born Dorothy Rothschild in 1893, was an esteemed American writer celebrated for her keen wit.

As a founding member of the Algonquin Round Table, she cemented her reputation as an outstanding conversationalist.

Starting her editorial journey at Vogue, she later joined Vanity Fair as a drama critic.

Despite divorcing Edwin Pond Parker II in 1928, she kept his surname for professional purposes.


Parker’s poetry, noted for its cynicism, resonated widely. She made significant contributions to The New Yorker and clinched the O. Henry Award for “Big Blonde” in 1929.

Looking to Elevate Your Life?

~ Motivational Books: Read Motivational Books to Grow in Life.
~ Motivational Wall Decor: Powerful tool for boosting self-esteem and motivation.
~ Motivational Gifts: Encourage or motivate you to take action.
~ Father's Day Gift Ideas: Unique and Great Gift Ideas for Your Father.

With her second husband, Alan Campbell, she co-wrote film scripts, most notably the Academy Award-nominated “A Star Is Born”.

Her active political stance took her to the Spanish Civil War as a reporter. Later in life, she penned reviews for Esquire and returned to New York in 1963.

I have curated the top quotes by Dorothy Parker in this post.

Best Dorothy Parker Quotes

1. “The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).


2. “Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).


3. “What fresh hell is this?” ~ (Dorothy Parker).


4. Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. ~ Dorothy Parker.

5. I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid. ~ Dorothy Parker.


6. Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair. ~ Dorothy Parker.

7. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit by me.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

8. “I hate writing, I love having written.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).


9. “Art is a form of catharsis emotional release, purging, cleansing, purifying.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

10. “I give her sadness and the gift of pain, a new moon madness and a love of rain.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

Popular Dorothy Parker Quotes

11. “They sicken of the calm who know the storm.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

12. “Never complain, never explain.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).


13. “Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

14. “The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

15. “Women and elephants never forget.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).


16. When your bank account is so overdrawn that it is positively photographic, steps must be taken. ~ Dorothy Parker.

17. I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. ~ Dorothy Parker.


18. Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses. ~ Dorothy Parker.

19. “My first love was Cinderella, but she ran off with another man.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

20. “Heterosexuality is not normal, it’s just common.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

Top Dorothy Parker Quotes

22. “Honesty means nothing until you are tested under circumstances where you are sure you could get away with dishonesty.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).


21. “Don’t feel bad when I die; I’ve been dead for a long time.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

23. When asked if she was going to join Alcoholics Anonymous: Certainly not. They want me to stop now. ~ Dorothy Parker.


24. Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship. ~ Dorothy Parker.

25. One more drink and I’ll be under the host. ~ Dorothy Parker.

26. “Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).


27. “I don’t know much about being a millionaire, but I’ll bet I’d be darling at it.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

28. The two most beautiful words in the English language are ‘cheque enclosed. ~ Dorothy Parker.

29. Their pooled emotions wouldn’t fill a teaspoon. ~ Dorothy Parker.


30. Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both. ~ Dorothy Parker.

31. “Writing is the art of applying the ass to the seat.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

Famous Dorothy Parker Quotes

32. “A hangover is the wrath of grapes.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).


33. “This living, this living, this living Was never a project of mine.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

34. “Years are only garments, and you either wear them with style all your life, or else you go dowdy to the grave.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

35. “By the time you swear you’re his, Shivering and sighing. And he vows his passion is, Infinite, undying. Lady make note of this – One of you is lying.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

36. “If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

37. “The sun’s gone dim, and the moon’s gone black. For I loved him, and he didn’t love back.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).


38. “It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

39. “The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

40. “Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened!” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

41. “Be you wise and never sad, You will get your lovely lad. Never serious be, nor true, And your wish will come to you – And if that makes you happy, kid, You’ll be the first it ever did.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).


42. “Newton’s Fourth Law: Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

43. “That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

Short Dorothy Parker Quotes

44. “The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

45. “That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can’t say ‘No’ in any of them.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).


46. “Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

47. “Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, a medley of extemporanea, And love is a thing that can never go wrong, and I am Marie of Romania.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

48. “But I don’t give up; I forget why not.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

49. “Trapped like a trap in a trap.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).


50. “You think You’re frightening me with Your hell, don’t You? You think Your hell is worse than mine.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

51. “Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

52. “The best way to avoid a hangover is to stay drunk.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).


53. “You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

54. “Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

55. “I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

56. “Travel, trouble, music, art, a kiss, a frock, a rhyme – I never said they feed my heart, but still they pass my time.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).


57. “If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

58. “The sweeter the apple, the blacker the core. Scratch a lover and find a foe!” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

59. “Genius can write on the back of old envelopes but mere talent requires the finest stationery available.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

60. “I’m not a writer with a drinking problem, I’m a drinker with a writing problem.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).


61. “Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

62. “Writing well is the best revenge.” ~ (Dorothy Parker).

So these were the 62 quotes from Dorothy Parker.

If you like these quotes and sayings, then you can also read my other popular blog posts on the topics of Mary Kay Ash Quotes and Gordon Ramsay Quotes.

Share with others!
Chandan Negi
Chandan Negi

I’m the Founder of Internet Pillar - I love sharing quotes and motivational content to inspire and motivate people - #quotes #motivation #internetpillar