27 Fred Sanford Quotes to Tickle Your Funny Bone

Fred G. Sanford, a character played by Redd Foxx, is the central figure in the 1972-1977 NBC sitcom “Sanford and Son.”

The character was inspired by Foxx’s real-life brother and is an adaptation of Albert Steptoe from the British series “Steptoe and Son.”

Fred is an elderly, sarcastic junk dealer who co-runs the “Sanford and Son” junk and antique business with his son, Lamont.

Fred often feigns illness to manipulate Lamont and is known for comedic catchphrases, especially when feigning heart attacks, exclaiming “This is the big one! I’m coming, Elizabeth!”

Fred Sanford

He often clashes with Lamont’s Aunt Esther, whom he teases relentlessly. Despite his abrasive nature, Fred is portrayed as loving and concerned for Lamont.

Prejudiced against various groups, Fred’s remarks often lead to humorous situations.

However, he has a soft spot for women and frequently flirts. His friends Grady and Bubba, though seen as dim-witted by Fred, are reliable confidantes.

I have listed below the top quotes by Fred Sanford below.

Best Fred Sanford Quotes


There’s got to be some mistake. This is not my Lena, this is someone’s hyena. ~ Fred Sanford.


I’m 65. People say I look 55. I feel 45. I’d settle for 35 and you make me feel 25. ~ Fred Sanford.


Speaking of facing up to this mess, who messed up this face. ~ Fred Sanford.


I can see my tombstone: Fred Sanford lies here. 1908 to 1975. Died from an overdose of ugly. ~ Fred Sanford.


OK boy, let’s play another game. There’s one card for you, two for me, three for you, four for me. OK, count your cards. How many do you got? ~ Fred Sanford.


Junk runs in the family. My granddad was a junkman in St. Louis and so was my uncle. ~ Fred Sanford.

I’ve never had pains like this before! Oh, this is the worse one I’ve ever had, son! Oh, it’s the worst one! This is the big one! I’m dying! You hear that, Elizabeth! I’m coming to join you, honey! ~ Fred Sanford.


What’s an archive, son? Is that anything like a closet? ~ Fred Sanford.

Famous Fred Sanford Quotes

All the way. See, this is America, where a right makes might, where justice is blind, where law is king, where a man should be able to pursue his democratic right no matter what it costs him in time, effort or money. ~ Fred Sanford.


Your uncle Edgar told the truth, and the judge gave him six months. ~ Fred Sanford.

I’m convinced that Sanford and Son show middle-class America a lot of what they need to know. ~ Fred Sanford.


If I stay, I might have a heart attack just from the suspense of not knowing. ~ Fred G. Sanford.

My Elizabeth was as pure as the driven snow, and I am the only driver she ever had! ~ Fred Sanford.


You just dumb, son. You just dumb. ~ Fred Sanford.

Hilarious Fred Sanford Quotes

The have nots? Well if the ‘have nots’ could get something from the haves and the haves gave the have nots half of what they have, then the haves would still be the haves but the have nots would be the have somethings. ~ Fred G. Sanford.


If you see the handwriting on the wall, you’re in the toilet. ~ Fred Sanford.

Earthquakes on the coast, 120-degree temperatures on the desert; they oughta change the name of California to Shake n’ Bake, USA! ~ Fred Sanford.


I’ve come a long way from St. Louie, but not far enough. B.B. King is gonna kill me! ~ Fred Sanford.

Yeah they can walk in Los Angeles, but they’ll still be running in Watts. ~ Fred Sanford.

Funny Fred Sanford Quotes


You gonna have this baby on purpose? ~ Fred Sanford.

You gotta always wash your hands before you eat, and from the looks of you, you must have the cleanest hands in town. ~ Fred Sanford.


If God wanted you to eat Puerto Rican Food, he would have lined your stomach with Pepto Bismol. ~ Fred Sanford.

No I wouldn’t hit a lady, but I’d hit her. ~ Fred Sanford.


I ain’t afraid to give you one across the lips. ~ Fred Sanford.

Let me tell you somethin’, Esther. Every time I see you it makes me wish birth control was retroactive. ~ Fred Sanford.


And as you got older, it was cursed by Father Time. ~ Fred Sanford.

Telling Esther there’s no God is like telling Jimmy Carter there’s no more toothpaste. ~ Fred Sanford.

So these were the 27 famous quotes about Fred Sanford.

If you like these quotes, then you can also read my other posts on Ragnar Lothbrok Quotes and Elmer Fudd Quotes.

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Chandan Negi
Chandan Negi

I’m the Founder of Internet Pillar - I love sharing quotes and motivational content to inspire and motivate people - #quotes #motivation #internetpillar