Fred Sanford was a fictional character on the TV show “Sanford and Son.”

He was a funny old man who always had a joke or two up his sleeve.

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He was a loving grandfather and always tried to help out his son, Lamont, in any ways he could.

You will find below a curated collection of the best ‘Fred Sanford’ quotes to make you laugh.


Best Fred Sanford Quotes

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There’s got to be some mistake. This is not my Lena, this is someone’s hyena. ~ Fred Sanford.

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I’m 65. People say I look 55. I feel 45. I’d settle for 35 and you make me feel 25. ~ Fred Sanford.

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Speaking of facing up to this mess, who messed up this face. ~ Fred Sanford.

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I can see my tombstone: Fred Sanford lies here. 1908 to 1975. Died from an overdose of ugly. ~ Fred Sanford.

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OK boy, let’s play another game. There’s one card for you, two for me, three for you, four for me. OK, count your cards. How many do you got? ~ Fred Sanford.

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Junk runs in the family. My granddad was a junkman in St. Louis and so was my uncle. ~ Fred Sanford.

I’ve never had pains like this before! Oh, this is the worse one I’ve ever had, son! Oh, it’s the worst one! This is the big one! I’m dying! You hear that, Elizabeth! I’m coming to join you, honey! ~ Fred Sanford.

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What’s an archive, son? Is that anything like a closet? ~ Fred Sanford.

Famous Fred Sanford Quotes

All the way. See, this is America, where a right makes might, where justice is blind, where law is king, where a man should be able to pursue his democratic right no matter what it costs him in time, effort or money. ~ Fred Sanford.

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Your uncle Edgar told the truth, and the judge gave him six months. ~ Fred Sanford.

I’m convinced that Sanford and Son show middle-class America a lot of what they need to know. ~ Fred Sanford.

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If I stay, I might have a heart attack just from the suspense of not knowing. ~ Fred G. Sanford.

My Elizabeth was as pure as the driven snow, and I am the only driver she ever had! ~ Fred Sanford.

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You just dumb, son. You just dumb. ~ Fred Sanford.

Hilarious Fred Sanford Quotes

The have nots? Well if the ‘have nots’ could get something from the haves and the haves gave the have nots half of what they have, then the haves would still be the haves but the have nots would be the have somethings. ~ Fred G. Sanford.

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If you see the handwriting on the wall, you’re in the toilet. ~ Fred Sanford.

Earthquakes on the coast, 120-degree temperatures on the desert; they oughta change the name of California to Shake n’ Bake, USA! ~ Fred Sanford.

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I’ve come a long way from St. Louie, but not far enough. B.B. King is gonna kill me! ~ Fred Sanford.

Yeah they can walk in Los Angeles, but they’ll still be running in Watts. ~ Fred Sanford.

Funny Fred Sanford Quotes

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You gonna have this baby on purpose? ~ Fred Sanford.

You gotta always wash your hands before you eat, and from the looks of you, you must have the cleanest hands in town. ~ Fred Sanford.

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If God wanted you to eat Puerto Rican Food, he would have lined your stomach with Pepto Bismol. ~ Fred Sanford.

No I wouldn’t hit a lady, but I’d hit her. ~ Fred Sanford.

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I ain’t afraid to give you one across the lips. ~ Fred Sanford.

Let me tell you somethin’, Esther. Every time I see you it makes me wish birth control was retroactive. ~ Fred Sanford.

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And as you got older, it was cursed by Father Time. ~ Fred Sanford.

Telling Esther there’s no God is like telling Jimmy Carter there’s no more toothpaste. ~ Fred Sanford.



So these were the 27 famous quotes about Fred Sanford.

If you like these quotes, then you can also read my other posts on Ragnar Lothbrok Quotes and Elmer Fudd Quotes.