15 Irwin Corey Quotes from the American Stand-Up Comic

Irwin Corey, known as “Professor Irwin Corey, the world’s foremost authority,” was an iconic American comedian famous for his nonsensical monologues filled with malapropisms and non sequiturs.

Corey was originally named Erwin Eli Cohen and was born on July 29, 1914 in Brooklyn, New York.

His career spanned over 7 decades with performances in vaudeville, nightclubs and TV talk shows.

Dressed in a signature outfit of a swallowtail suit, disheveled hair, askew string tie and sneakers, Corey was well-known for beginning his comedic monologues with “However…”.

Irwin Corey

The comedian spent his childhood in the Brooklyn Hebrew Orphan Asylum and initially worked as a button maker.

Later, Corey found his calling in comedy and theater, featuring in various stage comedies and films.

Related: Craig Ferguson Quotes from Scottish-American Comedian and Carol Burnett Quotes from the American Actress & Comedian

Corey’s comedic genius left an indelible mark in American pop culture before his death in 2017.

I have curated the hilarious quotes by Irwin Corey for you.

Best Irwin Corey Quotes


Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. ~ Irwin Corey.


When your IQ rises to 28, sell. ~ Irwin Corey.


Remember, “I” before “E”, except in Budweiser. ~ Irwin Corey.


You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun. ~ Irwin Corey.


I don’t believe Spiro Agnew is a crook. If he was a crook, he’d still be in office. ~ Irwin Corey.


Today we must all be aware that protocol takes precedence over procedure. ~ Professor Irwin Corey.

Why do I wear tennis shoes? That’s two questions. Do I wear tennis shoes? The answer to that question is, “Yes.” “Why?” That’s a question philosophers have been pondering for centuries. ~ Irwin Corey.

Funny Irwin Corey Quotes


If we don’t change direction soon, we’ll end up where we’re going. ~ Irwin Corey.

I think we should cut Florida off at the Georgia border and shove it up the Mississippi. That way, we’ll save a lot of water that’s leaking into the Gulf of Mexico and we’ll be 500 miles further from Cuba. ~ Irwin Corey.


Beauty is in the behind of the beholder! ~ Irwin Corey.

With the beginning of a great & compassionate love, comes the growth of one’s heart, and with that, a profound inner change. The way to opening the mind is often first through the heart. And once is the mind & heart are open, so many things become possible. ~ Professor Irwin Corey.

Hilarious Irwin Corey Quotes

It’s best to make your peace with change, before it makes pieces of you. ~ Irwin Corey.


Without this great land of ours, we would all drown. ~ Irwin Corey.

I feel more like I do now than when I first got here. ~ Irwin Corey.


Borrow from your friends, and when they ain’t got any more money, make new friends. ~ Irwin Corey.

So these were the 15 top Irwin Corey quotes and sayings.

If you like these quotes and sayings, then you can also read my other posts on Iyanla Vanzant quotes and Ivanka Trump quotes.

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Chandan Negi
Chandan Negi

I’m the Founder of Internet Pillar - I love sharing quotes and motivational content to inspire and motivate people - #quotes #motivation #internetpillar