Major Payne is a comedy movie about a tough, no-nonsense Army drill instructor who has to train a group of ragtag recruits.

He’s not afraid to use force to get them to shape up, but eventually he comes to care for them and they learn to respect him.

Major Payne is a bit like a strict school teacher.

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I have curated some of the best ‘Major Payne’ quotes, sayings and captions for you to read and share with others.


Major Payne Quotes

Let’s go, let’s go, giddyup, let’s ride! ~ Cadet Dotson.

Yeah, well at least it won’t backfire. Besides, they started it. ~ Major Payne.

He’s a little upset about this morning. Apparently, he had a little accident. ~ Emily Walburn.

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Universal Studio

Here, I got something for you. ~ Major Payne.

Any man that’d leave you outta be monkey-stomped and have his brains mailed back to his mother. ~ Major Payne.

I don’t like it. It makes me feel all funny. ~ Major Payne.

Why do I have to wear the dress? ~ Cadet Heathcoat.

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Universal Studio

Major Payne reporting for duty, Sir! ~ Major Payne.

They may not like me, but they will respect me. ~ Major Payne.

That’s not enough. Look at them, these animals are so pathetic that even their own commander didn’t even show up. ~ Lieutenant .

Lieutenant, I can only disqualify the cadet who started the disturbance. ~ Colonel Braggart.

Hello cue balls! Welcome to the house of Payne! ~ Major Payne.

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You’re in charge of the green boys. ~ Dr. Phillips

You like a black man to handle things? ~ Major Payne.

Best Major Payne Quotes

What happened to knocking first, Dotson? ~ Cadet Alex Stone.

Fighting is no longer being done out on the battlefields. Now, all the blood is shed in the halls of Congress, boys like us are becoming dinosaurs. ~ Major Payne.

Major! What are the boys doing in those dresses? ~ Emily Walburn.

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Got no worries, got no stress. ~ Major Payne.

Payne, what happened? You’ve only been out one week. ~ General Decker.

At ease, Payne. Relax. Do you know why you’re here? ~ General Decker.

Negative. I figure if the Marines wanted me to have a wife, they would’ve issued me one. ~ Major Payne.

General, are you telling me that in this man’s military, is there no room for trained weapon of destruction? ~ Major Payne.

One! Don’t you feel dumb. Two! Look at you. Three! Don’t you ever make jokes about me behind my back, or else I’ll stomp you into the ground. ~ Major Payne.

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Well, maybe that’s because he’s six. ~ Emily Walburn.

I ain’t frigid. ~ Major Payne.

Let me tell you something, I am not your damn brother! ~ Major Payne.

You hit that boy again, I’m gonna do more than salute you. ~ Major Payne.

Excuse me, what did you say? ~ Emily Walburn.

Famous Major Payne Quotes

Major Payne, what are you doing here? I was told you were away on an important assignment. ~ Colonel Braggart.

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What, boy? What? What? What? ~ Major Payne.

Maybe not, but I can clean out your colon faster than one of those burritos with extra guacamole sauce! ~ Major Payne.

This is unsatisfactory. I demand the entire Madison Squad be disqualified from the final competition. ~ Colonel Stone.

You like to rhyme, boy? ~ Major Payne.

You eye me one more time, I’ll snatch it out and put it in Heathcoat’s cookie bag! ~ Major Payne.

I thought we had a little talk about this kind of negative reinforcement. ~ Emily Walburn.

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Got no worries, got no care. ~ Major Payne.

Here. I want you to read this book. Read it. Apply it. ~ Emily Walburn.

What happened? You terminate his command? ~ Major Payne.

You know, there ain’t no pets allowed on this premises, Mr. Ace Ventura. ~ Major Payne.

Break it on down! Break it on down! ~ Cadet Williams.

What the hell was that, you little freckle face cartoon? Did I give you permission to sneeze, Opie? ~ Major Payne.

Top Major Payne Quotes

What’s your damage, muscle head? You stupid? You’re ignorant or are you just plain old deaf? ~ Major Payne.

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Who’s the dummy now? ~ Major Payne.

Come on, guys. Relax, it’s just a dummy grenade. ~ Cadet Alex Stone.

Ain’t no need for name-calling! ~ Major Payne.

What are you laughing at, pig-boy? You find a piece of candy in your pocket? What’s your name, son? ~ Major Payne.

Because he’s six? Woman, when I was six years old I had a full time job. ~ Major Payne.

Shut up over there. ~ Major Payne.

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The ABC’s of being a positive male role model? ~ Major Payne.

Let me be more direct – they hate you. ~ Emily Walburn.

I never said family don’t break up. Don’t you watch Oprah? ~ Major Payne.

You hold it, or else I’ll break it off, and kick it around on the ground! ~ Major Payne.

Don’t push the ‘maybes,’ baby. ~ Major Payne.

I had an accident. ~ Cadet Kevin Dunn.

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One, two, three, four – I love the Marine Corps. ~ Major Payne.

The green boys, they wear those green things. You know what’s funny? When they stand in front of the bushes, I can’t see them! ~ Dr. Phillips.

Major Payne! I have to go to the bathroom. ~ Cadet Kevin Dunn.

Listen, I’ve made some calls and I have an assignment for you. It’s not great, you understand, but it gets you back in the military. ~ General Decker.

Popular Major Payne Quotes

Come on, he can’t do this, leave him alone. I can barely do it. It’s slippery out here. ~ Cadet Alex Stone.

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Sorry, Major. There’s nobody left. You’ve killed them all. ~ General Decker.

That’s a very cynical plan. ~ Emily Walburn.

From my heart, left ventricle; took it out myself with a field knife. ~ Major Payne.

Maybe I like you a lot. ~ Major Payne.

Actually, Sir, he is deaf. ~ Cadet Wuliger.

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One, tubby, tubby! Two, tubby, tubby! ~ Major Payne.

You look like the Pillsbury Dough-boy. If I poke your stomach, will it make you laugh? We’re gonna have to make some room for your lunch, Bacon-boy. Get down there and give me 25 crunches, and count them out. ~ Major Payne.

Really? Well, where did you get it? ~ Emily Walburn.

Great Major Payne Quotes

Got to earn my right to be called a man. ~ Major Payne.

You nasty little worm. Go change your huggies, boy! ~ Major Payne.

You like the way I handled them white folks back there? ~ Major Payne.

I don’t call it babying, I call it nurturing. ~ Emily Walburn.

Oh, thank you. Now drop down and give me 25 more for speaking out of line! ~ Major Payne.

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Universal Studio

They’re putting on a fashion show. ~ Major Payne.

No, actually, he left. I wanted children, he didn’t. ~ Emily Walburn.

Major Payne just terminated that bad man with extreme prejudice! ~ Cadet Kevin Dunn

A bullet. It’s somethin’ special. It’s from my heart. ~ Major Payne.


So these were the 81 quotes from Major Payne movie.

If you like these quotes and sayings, then you can also read my other popular blog posts on the topics of Crown quotes and Dragonfly quotes and Grind quotes and Bratz quotes.

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Major Payne Movie Details

  • Release date: March 24, 1995 (USA)
  • Content rating: PG-13 · TV-PG
  • Genre: Adventure, Comedy, Family.
  • Directed by: Nick Castle.
  • Written by: Joe Connelly, Bob Mosher, William Roberts, Richard Alan Simmons, Dean Lorey, Damon Wayans, Gary Rosen and others.
  • Produced by: Eric L. Gold and Michael Rachmil.
  • Production company: Universal Pictures, Wife ‘n’ Kids.
  • Stars: Damon Wayans, Karyn Parsons, Steven Martini and Michael Ironside.