81 Major Payne Quotes That Are Mind Blowing

In Nick Castle’s 1995 comedy, “Major Payne,” Damon Wayans stars as a tough Marine, Major Benson Payne, struggling to adapt to civilian life after discharge.

Deployed to Virginia’s Madison Preparatory School, Payne fiercely leads a misfit group of JROTC students, aiming to win a coveted trophy at the Military Games.

Payne’s severe methods clash with counselor Emily Walburn, causing tension.

Through challenges, sabotage attempts by the rebellious cadets and eventual unity, Payne transforms the group.


When called back for service, Payne initially accepts but returns to see his team triumph at the competition, settling into a softer instructional role afterward.

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Here are some of the best quotes from Major Payne.

Major Payne Quotes

Let’s go, let’s go, giddyup, let’s ride! ~ Cadet Dotson.

Yeah, well at least it won’t backfire. Besides, they started it. ~ Major Payne.

He’s a little upset about this morning. Apparently, he had a little accident. ~ Emily Walburn.

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Here, I got something for you. ~ Major Payne.

Any man that’d leave you outta be monkey-stomped and have his brains mailed back to his mother. ~ Major Payne.

He’s trying to show you some affection. ~ Emily Walburn.

I don’t like it. It makes me feel all funny. ~ Major Payne.

Why do I have to wear the dress? ~ Cadet Heathcoat.

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Major Payne reporting for duty, Sir! ~ Major Payne.

They may not like me, but they will respect me. ~ Major Payne.

That’s not enough. Look at them, these animals are so pathetic that even their own commander didn’t even show up. ~ Lieutenant .

Lieutenant, I can only disqualify the cadet who started the disturbance. ~ Colonel Braggart.

Hello cue balls! Welcome to the house of Payne! ~ Major Payne.


You’re in charge of the green boys. ~ Dr. Phillips

You like a black man to handle things? ~ Major Payne.

Best Major Payne Quotes

What happened to knocking first, Dotson? ~ Cadet Alex Stone.

Fighting is no longer being done out on the battlefields. Now, all the blood is shed in the halls of Congress, boys like us are becoming dinosaurs. ~ Major Payne.

Major! What are the boys doing in those dresses? ~ Emily Walburn.


Got no worries, got no stress. ~ Major Payne.

Payne, what happened? You’ve only been out one week. ~ General Decker.

At ease, Payne. Relax. Do you know why you’re here? ~ General Decker.

Negative. I figure if the Marines wanted me to have a wife, they would’ve issued me one. ~ Major Payne.

General, are you telling me that in this man’s military, is there no room for trained weapon of destruction? ~ Major Payne.

One! Don’t you feel dumb. Two! Look at you. Three! Don’t you ever make jokes about me behind my back, or else I’ll stomp you into the ground. ~ Major Payne.


Well, maybe that’s because he’s six. ~ Emily Walburn.

I ain’t frigid. ~ Major Payne.

Let me tell you something, I am not your damn brother! ~ Major Payne.

You hit that boy again, I’m gonna do more than salute you. ~ Major Payne.

Excuse me, what did you say? ~ Emily Walburn.

Famous Major Payne Quotes

Major Payne, what are you doing here? I was told you were away on an important assignment. ~ Colonel Braggart.


What, boy? What? What? What? ~ Major Payne.

Maybe not, but I can clean out your colon faster than one of those burritos with extra guacamole sauce! ~ Major Payne.

This is unsatisfactory. I demand the entire Madison Squad be disqualified from the final competition. ~ Colonel Stone.

You like to rhyme, boy? ~ Major Payne.

You eye me one more time, I’ll snatch it out and put it in Heathcoat’s cookie bag! ~ Major Payne.

I thought we had a little talk about this kind of negative reinforcement. ~ Emily Walburn.


Got no worries, got no care. ~ Major Payne.

Here. I want you to read this book. Read it. Apply it. ~ Emily Walburn.

What happened? You terminate his command? ~ Major Payne.

You know, there ain’t no pets allowed on this premises, Mr. Ace Ventura. ~ Major Payne.

Break it on down! Break it on down! ~ Cadet Williams.

What the hell was that, you little freckle face cartoon? Did I give you permission to sneeze, Opie? ~ Major Payne.

Top Major Payne Quotes

What’s your damage, muscle head? You stupid? You’re ignorant or are you just plain old deaf? ~ Major Payne.


Who’s the dummy now? ~ Major Payne.

Come on, guys. Relax, it’s just a dummy grenade. ~ Cadet Alex Stone.

Ain’t no need for name-calling! ~ Major Payne.

What are you laughing at, pig-boy? You find a piece of candy in your pocket? What’s your name, son? ~ Major Payne.

Because he’s six? Woman, when I was six years old I had a full time job. ~ Major Payne.

Shut up over there. ~ Major Payne.


The ABC’s of being a positive male role model? ~ Major Payne.

Let me be more direct – they hate you. ~ Emily Walburn.

I never said family don’t break up. Don’t you watch Oprah? ~ Major Payne.

You hold it, or else I’ll break it off, and kick it around on the ground! ~ Major Payne.

Don’t push the ‘maybes,’ baby. ~ Major Payne.

I had an accident. ~ Cadet Kevin Dunn.


One, two, three, four – I love the Marine Corps. ~ Major Payne.

The green boys, they wear those green things. You know what’s funny? When they stand in front of the bushes, I can’t see them! ~ Dr. Phillips.

Major Payne! I have to go to the bathroom. ~ Cadet Kevin Dunn.

Listen, I’ve made some calls and I have an assignment for you. It’s not great, you understand, but it gets you back in the military. ~ General Decker.

Popular Major Payne Quotes

Come on, he can’t do this, leave him alone. I can barely do it. It’s slippery out here. ~ Cadet Alex Stone.


Sorry, Major. There’s nobody left. You’ve killed them all. ~ General Decker.

That’s a very cynical plan. ~ Emily Walburn.

From my heart, left ventricle; took it out myself with a field knife. ~ Major Payne.

Maybe I like you a lot. ~ Major Payne.

Actually, Sir, he is deaf. ~ Cadet Wuliger.


One, tubby, tubby! Two, tubby, tubby! ~ Major Payne.

You look like the Pillsbury Dough-boy. If I poke your stomach, will it make you laugh? We’re gonna have to make some room for your lunch, Bacon-boy. Get down there and give me 25 crunches, and count them out. ~ Major Payne.

Really? Well, where did you get it? ~ Emily Walburn.

Great Major Payne Quotes

Got to earn my right to be called a man. ~ Major Payne.

You nasty little worm. Go change your huggies, boy! ~ Major Payne.

You like the way I handled them white folks back there? ~ Major Payne.

I don’t call it babying, I call it nurturing. ~ Emily Walburn.

Oh, thank you. Now drop down and give me 25 more for speaking out of line! ~ Major Payne.

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They’re putting on a fashion show. ~ Major Payne.

No, actually, he left. I wanted children, he didn’t. ~ Emily Walburn.

Major Payne just terminated that bad man with extreme prejudice! ~ Cadet Kevin Dunn

A bullet. It’s somethin’ special. It’s from my heart. ~ Major Payne.

So these were the 81 quotes from Major Payne movie.

Short Description of “Major Payne”

“Major Payne” is a 1995 comedy about a tough military officer, played by Damon Wayans, who takes charge of a group of misfit cadets at a Virginia prep school.


Struggling with civilian life and his own harsh methods, Payne pushes the cadets to improve, eventually leading them to victory in the Virginia Military Games.

Despite an opportunity to return to active duty, Payne chooses to stay with the cadets, marrying the school counselor and adopting a child, showing personal growth and a newfound sense of family and responsibility.

Movie Name Major Payne
Release Date 24 March 1995 (USA)
Director Nick Castle
Starring Damon Wayans as Major Benson Winifred Payne,
Karyn Parsons as Emily Walburn, the school counselor,
Michael Ironside as Lieutenant Colonel Stone
Screenplay Damon Wayans, Dean Lorey, Gary Rosen, William Roberts, Richard Alan Simmons
Distributed by Netflix, Universal Pictures
Adapted from The Private War of Major Benson
Produced by Eric L. Gold, Michael Rachmil
Box Office $30.1 million
Cinematography Richard Bowen
Edited by Patrick Kennedy
Music by Craig Safan
Production Company Wife ‘n Kids Productions
Running Time 95 minutes
Country United States
Languages English, Spanish, Vietnamese

Quick Facts about “Major Payne”

  • “Major Payne” is a 1995 American military comedy film.
  • The film is directed by Nick Castle and stars Damon Wayans.
  • Damon Wayans co-wrote the film and plays the lead role.
  • The movie is a loose remake of the 1955 film “The Private War of Major Benson.”
  • It was released on March 24, 1995, in the United States.
  • “Major Payne” grossed $30 million at the box office.
  • The film’s setting is the Madison Preparatory School in Virginia.
  • Major Benson Winifred Payne is a battle-hardened Marine.
  • Payne struggles with civilian life after being discharged from the military.
  • He is sent to lead a JROTC program at a preparatory school.
  • The JROTC cadets are a group of delinquents and outcasts.
  • Payne enforces strict discipline, causing friction with the school counselor.
  • Cadet Alex Stone becomes a leader among the cadets.
  • The cadets evolve into a disciplined unit under Payne’s guidance.
  • Payne is offered a return to the Marines but initially decides to leave for a new posting.
  • The cadets win a trophy at the Virginia Military Games with Payne’s help.
  • Damon Wayans’s character daydreams about a family life with Emily Walburn and her foster son.
  • The movie concludes with Payne marrying Emily and adopting Tiger.
  • The film features a diverse cast including Karyn Parsons and Michael Ironside.
  • Cadet Alex Stone is portrayed by Steven Martini.
  • Filming took place at the Miller School of Albemarle in Charlottesville, Virginia.
  • The movie received mixed reviews from critics.
  • Rotten Tomatoes gave the film a 29% approval rating.
  • Roger Ebert praised Damon Wayans’s performance in the film.
  • The film debuted at number 2 at the US box office.
  • Major Payne’s character showcases a transition from a strict instructor to a more compassionate figure.
  • The school’s headmaster, Dr. Phillips, focuses more on academia than the military games.
  • Cadet Kevin “Tiger” Dunn is the youngest of the cadets and struggles to find his place.
  • The Madison Prep JROTC overcomes its history of last-place finishes under Payne’s leadership.
  • The film explores themes of leadership, teamwork, and personal growth.

Top Questions about “Major Payne”

Q: Is “Major Payne” considered a good movie?

A: Yes, “Major Payne” is viewed as an enjoyable comedy with plenty of humor. Damon Wayans leads a cast of mostly non-annoying kid actors, making it a fun watch for those looking for laughs.

Q: How did “Major Payne” perform at the box office?

A: “Major Payne” had a successful run, opening at number 2 in the US box office and eventually grossing $30.1 million worldwide.

Q: Is “Major Payne” suitable for children?

A: The film contains some vulgarities but ends on a positive note with creative humor. It’s recommended for older children or “grown-up kids.”

Q: Is “Major Payne” a remake of an older film?

A: Yes, “Major Payne” is a modern adaptation of the 1955 film “The Private War of Major Benson,” featuring Charlton Heston.

Q: What genre does “Major Payne” belong to?

A: “Major Payne” is a comedy, celebrated for its humor and considered a classic by many.

Q: What is the military background of the character Major Payne?

A: Major Payne is depicted as a Marine Corps officer, while the cadets he trains are part of the Army JROTC.

Q: What inspired “Major Payne”?

A: The film is based on “The Private War of Major Benson,” a 1955 comedy that was nominated for an Academy Award for its screenplay.

Q: Where was “Major Payne” filmed?

A: The movie was shot at The Miller School in Charlottesville, Virginia.

Q: Does the character Major Payne suffer from PTSD?

A: The film portrays Major Payne as having PTSD symptoms, such as distressing flashbacks, indicative of his desire to return to military action rather than leading a JROTC detachment.

Q: How does “Major Payne” ends?

A: The movie ends with Major Payne receiving an honorable discharge and struggling to adapt to civilian life until he is arrested. His former commander helps him avoid jail and secures him a position back in the military at Madison Preparatory School in Virginia, where he takes command of the JROTC students.

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Chandan Negi
Chandan Negi

I’m the Founder of Internet Pillar - I love sharing quotes and motivational content to inspire and motivate people - #quotes #motivation #internetpillar