Major Payne is a popular comedy movie about a tough, no-nonsense Army drill instructor who has to train a group of ragtag recruits.

He’s not afraid to use force to get them to shape up, but eventually he comes to care for them and they learn to respect him.

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I have curated some of the best ‘Major Payne’ quotes, sayings and captions for you.


Major Payne Quotes

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Let’s go, let’s go, giddyup, let’s ride! ~ Cadet Dotson.

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Yeah, well at least it won’t backfire. Besides, they started it. ~ Major Payne.

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He’s a little upset about this morning. Apparently, he had a little accident. ~ Emily Walburn.

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Here, I got something for you. ~ Major Payne.

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Any man that’d leave you outta be monkey-stomped and have his brains mailed back to his mother. ~ Major Payne.

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He’s trying to show you some affection. ~ Emily Walburn.

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I don’t like it. It makes me feel all funny. ~ Major Payne.

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Why do I have to wear the dress? ~ Cadet Heathcoat.

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Major Payne reporting for duty, Sir! ~ Major Payne.

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They may not like me, but they will respect me. ~ Major Payne.

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That’s not enough. Look at them, these animals are so pathetic that even their own commander didn’t even show up. ~ Lieutenant .

Lieutenant, I can only disqualify the cadet who started the disturbance. ~ Colonel Braggart.

Hello cue balls! Welcome to the house of Payne! ~ Major Payne.

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You’re in charge of the green boys. ~ Dr. Phillips

You like a black man to handle things? ~ Major Payne.

Best Major Payne Quotes

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What happened to knocking first, Dotson? ~ Cadet Alex Stone.

Fighting is no longer being done out on the battlefields. Now, all the blood is shed in the halls of Congress, boys like us are becoming dinosaurs. ~ Major Payne.

Major! What are the boys doing in those dresses? ~ Emily Walburn.

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Got no worries, got no stress. ~ Major Payne.

Payne, what happened? You’ve only been out one week. ~ General Decker.

At ease, Payne. Relax. Do you know why you’re here? ~ General Decker.

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Negative. I figure if the Marines wanted me to have a wife, they would’ve issued me one. ~ Major Payne.

General, are you telling me that in this man’s military, is there no room for trained weapon of destruction? ~ Major Payne.

One! Don’t you feel dumb. Two! Look at you. Three! Don’t you ever make jokes about me behind my back, or else I’ll stomp you into the ground. ~ Major Payne.

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Well, maybe that’s because he’s six. ~ Emily Walburn.

I ain’t frigid. ~ Major Payne.

Let me tell you something, I am not your damn brother! ~ Major Payne.

You hit that boy again, I’m gonna do more than salute you. ~ Major Payne.

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Excuse me, what did you say? ~ Emily Walburn.

Famous Major Payne Quotes

Major Payne, what are you doing here? I was told you were away on an important assignment. ~ Colonel Braggart.

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What, boy? What? What? What? ~ Major Payne.

Maybe not, but I can clean out your colon faster than one of those burritos with extra guacamole sauce! ~ Major Payne.

This is unsatisfactory. I demand the entire Madison Squad be disqualified from the final competition. ~ Colonel Stone.

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You like to rhyme, boy? ~ Major Payne.

You eye me one more time, I’ll snatch it out and put it in Heathcoat’s cookie bag! ~ Major Payne.

I thought we had a little talk about this kind of negative reinforcement. ~ Emily Walburn.

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Got no worries, got no care. ~ Major Payne.

Here. I want you to read this book. Read it. Apply it. ~ Emily Walburn.

What happened? You terminate his command? ~ Major Payne.

You know, there ain’t no pets allowed on this premises, Mr. Ace Ventura. ~ Major Payne.

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Break it on down! Break it on down! ~ Cadet Williams.

What the hell was that, you little freckle face cartoon? Did I give you permission to sneeze, Opie? ~ Major Payne.

Top Major Payne Quotes

What’s your damage, muscle head? You stupid? You’re ignorant or are you just plain old deaf? ~ Major Payne.

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Who’s the dummy now? ~ Major Payne.

Come on, guys. Relax, it’s just a dummy grenade. ~ Cadet Alex Stone.

Ain’t no need for name-calling! ~ Major Payne.

What are you laughing at, pig-boy? You find a piece of candy in your pocket? What’s your name, son? ~ Major Payne.

Because he’s six? Woman, when I was six years old I had a full time job. ~ Major Payne.

Shut up over there. ~ Major Payne.

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The ABC’s of being a positive male role model? ~ Major Payne.

Let me be more direct – they hate you. ~ Emily Walburn.

I never said family don’t break up. Don’t you watch Oprah? ~ Major Payne.

You hold it, or else I’ll break it off, and kick it around on the ground! ~ Major Payne.

Don’t push the ‘maybes,’ baby. ~ Major Payne.

I had an accident. ~ Cadet Kevin Dunn.

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One, two, three, four – I love the Marine Corps. ~ Major Payne.

The green boys, they wear those green things. You know what’s funny? When they stand in front of the bushes, I can’t see them! ~ Dr. Phillips.

Major Payne! I have to go to the bathroom. ~ Cadet Kevin Dunn.

Listen, I’ve made some calls and I have an assignment for you. It’s not great, you understand, but it gets you back in the military. ~ General Decker.

Popular Major Payne Quotes

Come on, he can’t do this, leave him alone. I can barely do it. It’s slippery out here. ~ Cadet Alex Stone.

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Sorry, Major. There’s nobody left. You’ve killed them all. ~ General Decker.

That’s a very cynical plan. ~ Emily Walburn.

From my heart, left ventricle; took it out myself with a field knife. ~ Major Payne.

Maybe I like you a lot. ~ Major Payne.

Actually, Sir, he is deaf. ~ Cadet Wuliger.

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One, tubby, tubby! Two, tubby, tubby! ~ Major Payne.

You look like the Pillsbury Dough-boy. If I poke your stomach, will it make you laugh? We’re gonna have to make some room for your lunch, Bacon-boy. Get down there and give me 25 crunches, and count them out. ~ Major Payne.

Really? Well, where did you get it? ~ Emily Walburn.

Great Major Payne Quotes

Got to earn my right to be called a man. ~ Major Payne.

You nasty little worm. Go change your huggies, boy! ~ Major Payne.

You like the way I handled them white folks back there? ~ Major Payne.

I don’t call it babying, I call it nurturing. ~ Emily Walburn.

Oh, thank you. Now drop down and give me 25 more for speaking out of line! ~ Major Payne.

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They’re putting on a fashion show. ~ Major Payne.

No, actually, he left. I wanted children, he didn’t. ~ Emily Walburn.

Major Payne just terminated that bad man with extreme prejudice! ~ Cadet Kevin Dunn

A bullet. It’s somethin’ special. It’s from my heart. ~ Major Payne.



So these were the 81 quotes from Major Payne movie.

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