William Melvin Hicks was a stand-up comedian, social critic, satirist, and musician from the United States.


Best Bill Hicks Quotes

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The eyes of love see all of us as one. ~ Bill Hicks.

Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks. ~ Bill Hicks.

Isn’t that weird, we’ve made nature against the law. That’s how unnatural we’ve become. ~ Bill Hicks.

Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye. ~ Bill Hicks.

Well we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added ’em up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages: 12,000 years. ~ Bill Hicks.

I’m a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day. ~ Bill Hicks.

We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution. ~ Bill Hicks.

I need my sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at night. ~ Bill Hicks.

Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass. ~ Bill Hicks.

All your beliefs, they’re just that. They’re nothing. They’re how you were taught and raised. That doesn’t make ’em real. ~ Bill Hicks.

I don’t do drugs anymore… than, say, the average touring funk band. ~ Bill Hicks.

Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up. ~ Bill Hicks.

Funny Bill Hicks Quotes

Women priests. Great, great. Now there’s priests of both sexes I don’t listen to. ~ Bill Hicks.

Writing, acting, music, comedy. A deep love of literature and books. Thank God for all the artists who’ve helped me. ~ Bill Hicks.

When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side. ~ Bill Hicks.

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full time job and children. ~ Bill Hicks.

The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions. ~ Bill Hicks.

Jesus-murdered. Martin Luther King-murdered. Gandhi-murdered. Malcolm X-murdered. Reagan-wounded. ~ Bill Hicks.

We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free. ~ Bill Hicks.

Oh my God. Lift me up out of this illusion, Lord. Heal my perception that I might know only reality and only you. ~ Bill Hicks.

No one can give you any answers. There aren’t any. You have to discover for yourself-you must learn to navigate the mystery. ~ Bill Hicks.

I’m tired of this back-slappin’ “isn’t humanity neat” bullshit. We’re a virus with shoes. ~ Bill Hicks.

Hilarious Bill Hicks Quotes

Don’t worry, don’t be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride. ~ Bill Hicks.

There’s no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we’re the imagination of ourselves. Here’s Tom with the weather. ~ Bill Hicks.

I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution. ~ Bill Hicks.

Music is a great energizer. It’s a language everybody knows. ~ Bill Hicks.

I can’t watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust. ~ Bill Hicks.

I’m an American who loves an America which doesn’t exist, which is a land of freedom and free ideas. ~ Bill Hicks.

We’re supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right? ~ Bill Hicks.

Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you. ~ Bill Hicks.

Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Heres Tom with the Weather. ~ Bill Hicks.

It’s not a war on drugs, it’s a war on personal freedom. ~ Bill Hicks.

Ever noticed that people who believe in Creationism look really unevolved? ~ Bill Hicks.

I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit. ~ Bill Hicks.

I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind’s sole purpose on this planet. ~ Bill Hicks.

If I thought the Jews killed God, I’d worship the Jews. ~ Bill Hicks.

If you are living for tomorrow, you will always be one day behind. ~ Bill Hicks.

It has become more and more obvious that there is one political party in America, and that is The Business Party. ~ Bill Hicks.

I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift. ~ Bill Hicks.

BTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You’re not a human being until you’re in my phone book. ~ Bill Hicks.

Man, the Beatles were so high, they let Ringo sing a coupla tunes. Tell me they weren’t partyin’. ~ Bill Hicks.

I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul. ~ Bill Hicks.

Nonsmokers – this is for you and you only. Ready? Nonsmokers die every day. Sleep tight. ~ Bill Hicks.

Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is. ~ Bill Hicks.

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Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously. ~ Bill Hicks.

Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that’s why you giggle the first hour. ~ Bill Hicks.

You are the imagination of yourself. ~ Bill Hicks.

I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out. ~ Bill Hicks.

Top Bill Hicks Quotes

I don’t care if you’re obscene, filthy, horrendous – as long as you’re honest. ~ Bill Hicks.

Keith Richards outlived Jim Fixx, the runner and health nut. The plot thickens. ~ Bill Hicks.

I’m sorry if any of you are Catholic. I’m not sorry if you’re offended, I’m actually just sorry by the fact that you’re Catholic. ~ Bill Hicks.

They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer. ~ Bill Hicks.

I’m totally confused about what I’m going to do with my life. ~ Bill Hicks.

It’s all about money, not freedom. If you think you’re free, try going somewhere without money, okay? ~ Bill Hicks.

If you’re so pro-life, do me a favour: don’t lock arms and block medical clinics. If you’re so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries. ~ Bill Hicks.

What does an atheist scream when they come? ~ Bill Hicks.

My voice was not heard, the questions were not asked that I wanted to see asked. ~ Bill Hicks.

Be yourself on stage. Nobody else can be you and you have the law of supply and demand covered. ~ Bill Hicks.

Good comedy helps people know they’re not alone. Great comedy provides an answer. ~ Bill Hicks.

What are you reading for? ~ Bill Hicks.

All governments are lying cocksuckers. ~ Bill Hicks.

You all saw him – he had a gun. ~ Bill Hicks.

Right foot, left foot, hemorrhage. ~ Bill Hicks.

Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas. ~ Bill Hicks.

Humanity is just a virus with shoes. ~ Bill Hicks.

Famous Bill Hicks Quotes

I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck. ~ Bill Hicks.

Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control. Here’s Love Connection. Watch this and get fat and stupid. ~ Bill Hicks.

I’m just skin covering coffee and some real nervous teeth. ~ Bill Hicks.

They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven’t proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven’t seen the stats on that yet. ~ Bill Hicks.

What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves? ~ Bill Hicks.

Any organization created out of fear must create fear to survive. ~ Bill Hicks.

The American dream is a crock. Stop wanting everything. Everyone should wear jeans and have three T-shirts, eat rice and beans. ~ Bill Hicks.

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It’s just a ride. ~ Bill Hicks.

If you don’t think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD’s and burn them. ~ Bill Hicks.

I’m just trying to rid the world of all these fevered egos that are tainting our collective unconscious… ~ Bill Hicks.

It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious. ~ Bill Hicks.

Ultimate Bill Hicks Quotes

You think when Jesus comes back, he really wants to see a cross? That’s like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on. ~ Bill Hicks.

It’s an insane world, and I’m proud to be a part of it. ~ Bill Hicks.

The role of the comedian is to say ‘Wait a minute’ when a consensus starts to form. ~ Bill Hicks.

It’s my object to be stared at like a dog that’s just been shown a card trick. ~ Bill Hicks.

I wouldn’t give Satan a snowball’s chance in Hell against a woman’s ego… ~ Bill Hicks.

I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative. ~ Bill Hicks.

I believe it is our own misperceptions of who we really are that leads to every self-created hell you’ll find in this world. ~ Bill Hicks.


So these were the 83 top Bill Hicks quotes on life, politics and religion.

If you like these quotes and sayings, then you can also read my other posts on Rodney Dangerfield quotes and Bo Burnham quotes.