Ronald Swanson is a fictional character played by Nick Offerman and was developed by Greg Daniels and Michael Schur for the NBC situation comedy Parks and Recreation.
Here is the best collection of Ron Swanson quotes and sayings for you from Parks and Recreation.
Best Ron Swanson Quotes
Put some alcohol in your mouth to block with words from coming out. ~ Ron Swanson.
I work hard to make sure my department is as small and as ineffective as possible. ~ Ron Swanson.
It’s pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they can go outside and stand in it. ~ Ron Swanson.
I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food. ~ Ron Swanson.
Creativity is for people with glasses who like to lie. ~ Ron Swanson.
Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets. ~ Ron Swanson.
I love being a father but there are a few things I miss: Silence. ~ Ron Swanson.
The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about people. ~ Ron Swanson.
Top Ron Swanson Quotes
Keep your tears in your eyes — where they belong. ~ Ron Swanson.
Strippers do nothing for me… but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace. ~ Ron Swanson.
Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream, or be nothing. ~ Ron Swanson.
You had me at ‘Meat Tornado.’ ~ Ron Swanson.
Say what you want about organized religion, but those bastards knew how to construct an edifice. ~ Ron Swanson.
It’s always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain. ~ Ron Swanson.
Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that! ~ Ron Swanson.
One rage every three months is permitted. Try not to hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it. ~ Ron Swanson.
There is only one bad word: taxes. ~ Ron Swanson.
There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger. ~ Ron Swanson.
Famous Ron Swanson Quotes
Literally everything is a weapon. That folder, in my hands, is far deadlier than this bow of yours. ~ Ron Swanson.
Friends: one to three is sufficient. ~ Ron Swanson.
I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief. ~ Ron Swanson.
If given the choice between doing something and nothing, I’d choose to do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I’d work all night, if it meant nothing got done. ~ Ron Swanson.
I like saying ‘No,’ it lowers others enthusiasm. ~ Ron Swanson.
Sting like a bee, but do not float like a butterfly. That’s ridiculous. ~ Ron Swanson.
Ron Swanson Fishing Quotes
Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something. ~ Ron Swanson.
Ron Swanson Government Quotes
I think that all governments are a waster of taxpayer money. My dream is to have the park system privatized and run entirely by for profit corporations. ~ Ron Swanson.
The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples. ~ Ron Swanson.
My idea of a perfect government is one guy who sits in a small room at a desk, and the only thing he’s allowed to decide is who to nuke. ~ Ron Swanson.
Funny Ron Swanson Quotes
If there were more food and fewer people, this would be a perfect party. ~ Ron Swanson.
There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that’s lying about being milk. ~ Ron Swanson.
Do you have any history of mental illness in your family? I have an uncle who does yoga. ~ Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson Luck Quote
I’d wish you the best of luck but I believe luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures. ~ Ron Swanson.
Ron Swanson Breakfast Quotes
Breakfast food can serve many purposes. ~ Ron Swanson.
Why is everyone else so bad at eating? ~ Ron Swanson.
There has never been a sadness that can’t be cured by breakfast food. ~ Ron Swanson.
Ron Swanson Crying Quote
Crying: Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon. ~ Ron Swanson.
Ron Swanson Libertarian Quotes
The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! You are free to do so. To me, that’s beautiful. ~ Ron Swanson.
Ron Swanson Inspirational Quotes
Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness. ~ Ron Swanson.
If any of you need anything at all, too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves, like adults. ~ Ron Swanson.
Live your life how you want, but don’t confuse drama with happiness. ~ Ron Swanson.
Capitalism: God’s way of determining who is smart and who is poor. ~ Ron Swanson.
When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them. ~ Ron Swanson.
Ron Swanson Whiskey Quote
Put some whiskey in your mouth to block words from coming out. ~ Ron Swanson.
Ron Swanson Love Quotes
If you don’t believe in love, what’s the point of living? ~ Ron Swanson.
Ron Swanson Dog Quote
Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat, and cats are useless. ~ Ron Swanson.
Ron Swanson Birthday Quote
Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards. ~ Ron Swanson.