Ronald Swanson is a fictional character played by Nick Offerman in the NBC comedy ‘Parks and Recreation’.

Source: Wikipedia

Best Ron Swanson Quotes


Put some alcohol in your mouth to block with words from coming out. ~ Ron Swanson.


I work hard to make sure my department is as small and as ineffective as possible. ~ Ron Swanson.


It’s pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they can go outside and stand in it. ~ Ron Swanson.


I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food. ~ Ron Swanson.


Creativity is for people with glasses who like to lie. ~ Ron Swanson.


Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets. ~ Ron Swanson.


I love being a father but there are a few things I miss: Silence. ~ Ron Swanson.


The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about people. ~ Ron Swanson.

Top Ron Swanson Quotes

Keep your tears in your eyes — where they belong. ~ Ron Swanson.


Strippers do nothing for me… but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace. ~ Ron Swanson.

Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream, or be nothing. ~ Ron Swanson.

You had me at ‘Meat Tornado.’ ~ Ron Swanson.

Say what you want about organized religion, but those bastards knew how to construct an edifice. ~ Ron Swanson.


It’s always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain. ~ Ron Swanson.

Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that! ~ Ron Swanson.

One rage every three months is permitted. Try not to hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it. ~ Ron Swanson.

There is only one bad word: taxes. ~ Ron Swanson.


There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger. ~ Ron Swanson.

Famous Ron Swanson Quotes

Literally everything is a weapon. That folder, in my hands, is far deadlier than this bow of yours. ~ Ron Swanson.


Friends: one to three is sufficient. ~ Ron Swanson.

I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief. ~ Ron Swanson.

If given the choice between doing something and nothing, I’d choose to do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I’d work all night, if it meant nothing got done. ~ Ron Swanson.

I like saying ‘No,’ it lowers others enthusiasm. ~ Ron Swanson.


Sting like a bee, but do not float like a butterfly. That’s ridiculous. ~ Ron Swanson.

Ron Swanson Fishing Quotes

Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something. ~ Ron Swanson.

Ron Swanson Government Quotes

I think that all governments are a waster of taxpayer money. My dream is to have the park system privatized and run entirely by for profit corporations. ~ Ron Swanson.

The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples. ~ Ron Swanson.


My idea of a perfect government is one guy who sits in a small room at a desk, and the only thing he’s allowed to decide is who to nuke. ~ Ron Swanson.

Funny Ron Swanson Quotes

If there were more food and fewer people, this would be a perfect party. ~ Ron Swanson.

There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that’s lying about being milk. ~ Ron Swanson.

Do you have any history of mental illness in your family? I have an uncle who does yoga. ~ Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson Luck Quote


I’d wish you the best of luck but I believe luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures. ~ Ron Swanson.

Ron Swanson Breakfast Quotes

Breakfast food can serve many purposes. ~ Ron Swanson.

Why is everyone else so bad at eating? ~ Ron Swanson.

There has never been a sadness that can’t be cured by breakfast food. ~ Ron Swanson.

Ron Swanson Crying Quote

Crying: Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon. ~ Ron Swanson.

Ron Swanson Libertarian Quotes

The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! You are free to do so. To me, that’s beautiful. ~ Ron Swanson.

Ron Swanson Inspirational Quotes

Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness. ~ Ron Swanson.

If any of you need anything at all, too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves, like adults. ~ Ron Swanson.


Live your life how you want, but don’t confuse drama with happiness. ~ Ron Swanson.

Capitalism: God’s way of determining who is smart and who is poor. ~ Ron Swanson.

When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them. ~ Ron Swanson.

Ron Swanson Whiskey Quote

Put some whiskey in your mouth to block words from coming out. ~ Ron Swanson.

Ron Swanson Love Quotes

If you don’t believe in love, what’s the point of living? ~ Ron Swanson.

Ron Swanson Dog Quote

Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat, and cats are useless. ~ Ron Swanson.

Ron Swanson Birthday Quote

Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards. ~ Ron Swanson.

If these quotes and sayings connect with you, check out our other TV Shows quotes on Nier Automata and Peter Pan.

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