83 Best George Lopez Quotes and One Liners to Tickle Your Funny Bone

George Edward Lopez, an American comedian, actor and talk show host, is renowned for his candid and comical illustrations of the Mexican American experience.

Born on April 23, 1961, in Mission Hills, Los Angeles, he was raised primarily by his grandmother.

Lopez transformed his difficult upbringing into a source of comedic material.


Following the footsteps of his idol, Latino comic Freddie Prinze, Lopez transitioned from factory work to stand-up comedy.

His relentless work on the comedy circuit in the 1980s led to appearances on TV shows, film roles and comedy albums.

Sandra Bullock’s production company recognized Lopez’s unique brand of family-friendly yet socially conscious humor, leading to the creation of the sitcom “George Lopez” (2002–07), where he starred, wrote and produced.

Related: Dane Cook Quotes, Sayings, Jokes and One Liners and Groucho Marx Quotes, Jokes and One Liners from The Greatest Comedian

His subsequent work included hosting “Lopez Tonight,” stand-up specials and voice acting in animated films.

Lopez’s career has been characterized by his dedication to portraying and elevating the Latino experience.

Best George Lopez Quotes


If you make waffles, throw out the first one. ~ George Lopez.

Memories, priceless. Well not really priceless, but there you go! ~ George Lopez.

Presents? We already bought you a lot of things. Member when we were at the market and I bought you gum? You’member. ~ George Lopez.

I never realized I could love people as much as I do now. ~ George Lopez.

Sarah Palin is Latina. Pay-leen. She has an infant and a grandkid the same age. Latina! ~ George Lopez.

You’re never going to be a Yankee for a day, or you’re never going to be a Laker, but with Pro-Ams, they allow you to feel like you’re a professional golfer and play under their conditions. ~ George Lopez.

I believe that there are certain things that could be taken care of that you don’t need a strong political background in. ~ George Lopez.

No Angie, it’s instant. Like when someone trips in the cafeteria and you’re laughing so hard milk comes out of your nose, the guy next to you is laughing so hard he accidentally farts. BOOM! Friends for life! ~ George Lopez.

It’s a wonderful day when white people black people and Hispanics all come together, to pick on another minority. ~ George Lopez.

At the factory, I deal with ex-cons, substance abusers, and sexual harassers. And I’m not just talking about my mom. ~ George Lopez.

Angie, I’ve seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck, and you cry when your shoes pinch. Good luck, Bambi! ~ George Lopez.

I spend a lot of time alone and my wife understands that I need to be alone. I enjoy being alone. But I’m never lonely. ~ George Lopez.

I used to be ashamed by the way that I grew up. I tried to lie my way through better times, but when you think that honesty and truth is really your best weapon you embrace it and put it behind you. In the end, it drives you and motivates you to do good work. No one should be ashamed about where they come from as long as you desire to be a compassionate and decent person. ~ George Lopez.

The guy is like Honduran-German. Why would you pretend to be Mexican? I think he had that intention from the beginning that he was going to play Mexican. ~ George Lopez.

I’ve gotten in trouble with every race you can imagine. ~ George Lopez.

It’s a great day in America when white people, black people and Latinos can all come together and pick on another minority. ~ George Lopez.

I didn’t want to be nobody, and that was the only way I could be somebody was to do stand-up. ~ George Lopez.

Top George Lopez Quotes

I’m not afraid to take on somebody or say something that somebody will find offensive because unfortunately in comedy, you can’t say anything really good without offending somebody. ~ George Lopez.

We are now the proud owners of a white boy. Now we have to shop in the caucasian isle and get sunscreen, mayonnaise and mild salsa because the other ones really hawt! ~ George Lopez.

I’m a big fan of reality shows. I thought the first one, Dukes of Hazzard, captured white people perfectly. ~ George Lopez.

Shows should just be able to be shows without hyphenating their lead characters. ~ George Lopez.

Obama is the closest thing to a Latino that we have. Barack. Everybody wants to see his birth certificate too. ~ George Lopez.

I’d shake his hand, but I think that’s what’s holding up his pants. ~ George Lopez.

Look, I made a commitment to corn 17 years ago. Sure, I’m a man. I like to go to a barbecue and see beans that I like: baked beans, red beans, black beans, big plump garbanzos. But in the end, I always come home to my sweet, sweet corn. ~ George Lopez.

Famous George Lopez Quotes

One time, I was so hungry, I ate the beans in a bean bag chair. ~ George Lopez.


I can never do nothing in this house! ~ George Lopez.

When I look at the Gospel, I see how it is speaking to me at this time. I see how to be to others and it helps. ~ George Lopez.

I didn’t come from a background where I saw a lot of loving couples. All my aunts and uncles were either split up or fighting all the time. The only healthy relationships I saw were on TV. ~ George Lopez.

The average late-night viewer is in their mid-50s and the average viewer of TBS is in their 30s and is largely African-American and Hispanic, already, before I even get there. ~ George Lopez.

Y’know, if those pews reclined, and the priests gave the Raiders scores I’d go to church every Sunday. ~ George Lopez.

Life is great and golf has been one of the great parts of it for me. ~ George Lopez.

When we got married, we agreed on a boy for me, and a girl for you. Mine’s upstairs sleeping. Good luck with yours! ~ George Lopez.

Funny George Lopez Quotes

When things are bad, it’s the best time to reinvent yourself. ~ George Lopez.

If the worst thing that can happen is that nobody laughs, then I can deal with that, because the worst thing that can happen at the factory is that I could lose a limb or be crushed by a huge machine. ~ George Lopez.

Barack Obama may be black, but John McCain is the first Albino presidential candidate: he’s completely see-through! ~ George Lopez.

Mexican people never say they’re sorry. My grandmother, when I was young, hit me with her car. I was in the driveway–pang! “You know where I park, cabron. Mira, where the oil is.” Did she say she was sorry? “Ta loco, he’s seven. When he starts paying the bills, then I’ll say sorry.” ~ George Lopez.

When you go to cable, there are no stations and no affiliates and they allow you to do your show. ~ George Lopez.

I grew up not having a father. Golf is the father I never had. It taught me honesty and respect and discipline and it taught me to control my temperament. ~ George Lopez.

Hilarious George Lopez Quotes

When I was 10 there wasn’t trampolines and cartoon characters, I never went to Chuck E Cheese! My mom said ‘You wanna see a mouse pull the refrigerator Out!’ ~ George Lopez.

I have dogs in my house and much like teenagers at some point, they leave the parents. Even though they’re in the same house, they live independently. I think that’s how I live with the Chihuahuas. ~ George Lopez.

If laughter is the best medicine, I promise to continue to make you laugh as my wife and I work together with the National Kidney Foundation to save lives. ~ George Lopez.

We’re Mexi-cans not Mexi-can’ts. ~ George Lopez.

I got a pain in my chest, and I can’t breathe. ~ George Lopez.

It’s an honor to walk in the footsteps of a legend. As host I intend to honor the tradition of The Bob Hope Classic and have a great time blazing a new path. ~ George Lopez.

I think we all feel the same things most of the time, we just don’t know how to put it into words. When I’m on stage, I say it. The truth makes people laugh. ~ George Lopez.

Funniest George Lopez Quotes

Max: What’s a period?
George: It’s a bullet we dodge, go get ready. ~ George Lopez.

Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them. ~ George Lopez.

Just yesterday you were my little girl on a tricycle. Now you’re a young woman in a car, running over a little girl on a tricycle. ~ George Lopez.

Finally there is someone that you can invest in that looks like you, speaks like you, relates to things you relate to, and make our culture okay to talk about. ~ George Lopez.

It’s not even about black and white anymore, because so many people are from mixed backgrounds and mixed ethnicities, and it’s just a great time to be able to pull all that together. ~ George Lopez.

Humorous George Lopez Quotes

David Letterman is the best late-night talk show host right now, hands down, and has been since he first took the desk. ~ George Lopez.


No particular race is the enemy. Ignorance is the enemy. ~ George Lopez.

As long as you’re a tax deduction, you’ll always be safe in my house. ~ George Lopez.

You know how Mexican restaurants always have “border” in the name: Border Grill, Border Cafe. You wouldn’t do that to black people: Kunta’s Kitchen or Shackles. They don’t do it to white people. You don’t see the Honkey Grill, the Cracker Barrel…. oh, nevermind. ~ George Lopez.

A Dodger uniform just doesn’t look good with a cummerbund. ~ George Lopez.

Two wrongs do not make a right; but three rights make a left. ~ George Lopez.

Famous One Liners from George Lopez



“I be like this, Whatcha!”


“I never get to do nothin’ in this house!”

“I got this!”

“Hey, no vomit!”


“Watcha, I be like…(Makes a gesture)”

“Member? You ‘Member!”

“Well sabes que…”




“Ay Guey!”



“Sta Loco/Loca” (Repeats what other person said)

“Bat (to Benny)”

“Watcha! Hel-lo!”

“O Que La!”

“Ta Loca!”

“That’s the Lopez way.”

So these were the 83 top George Lopez quotes and one liners to make you laugh.

If you like these quotes and sayings, then you can also read my other posts on Jerry Seinfeld quotes and Richard Pryor quotes.

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Chandan Negi
Chandan Negi

I’m the Founder of Internet Pillar - I love sharing quotes and motivational content to inspire and motivate people - #quotes #motivation #internetpillar