125 Funniest Nick Miller Quotes for the Fans of ‘New Girl’

Nick Miller is the protagonist of the FOX comedy series ‘New Girl’ and the role is played by Jake Johnson.

Nick is described as apathetic, socially inept, and extremely sarcastic person.


Here are some of the best quotes by Nick Miller from “New Girl”

Best Nick Miller Quotes

The sky’s too fickle. It’s a play-place for butterflies. ~ Nick Miller.

I need to eat my way out of a sandwich house. ~ Nick Miller.

I am the stupidest of all the stupid boys. ~ Nick Miller.


Nothing is ever truly broken. ~ Nick Miller.

You can’t just say ‘butt drinking’ and then not explain what that is. That is two of my four favorite things. ~ Nick Miller.

I don’t want a refund on my cruise and I don’t want a refund on you! ~ Nick Miller.

Life sucks. Then it gets better. Then it sucks again. ~ Nick Miller.


Leprechauns are real. ~ Nick Miller.

I put on my special underwear because Jess is back because I made a promise I’d be wearing these when you came back. ~ Nick Miller.

You gave me a cookie, I gave you a cookie. ~ Nick Miller.

You’re a real sandwich lady, and I wanna scream your name across the ocean. ~ Nick Miller.


I like chipmunks more than squirrels. ~ Nick Miller.

I’m not gonna get sick. No germ can live in a body that is 65% beer. ~ Nick Miller.

I’m a very good secretary. ~ Nick Miller.

Funny Nick Miller Quotes

I should have known those beets weren’t from nature. Nothing purple comes from nature. ~ Nick Miller.

Everything you just said makes me want to give you a wedgie in front of the others. ~ Nick Miller.


I will push if I want to push. ~ Nick Miller.

It’s a weird life, but it’s where I’m at right now. ~ Nick Miller.

I like getting older. I feel like I’m finally aging into my personality. ~ Nick Miller.

No, I don’t dance. I’m from the town of Footloose. ~ Nick Miller.

I hate doors! ~ Nick Miller.


Sometimes, up close, art is ugly. ~ Nick Miller.

On a plus side, I’m being very witty during this fight. ~ Nick Miller.

Absolutely not. No! I don’t trust fish. They breathe water. That’s crazy. ~ Nick Miller.

The eyeball fell off, that’s how you know it’s good! ~ Nick Miller.

I could pretend to be more like you, Jess, and live on a sparkly rainbow and drive a unicorn around and just sing all the time ~ Nick Miller.


Fantasy and nightmare colliding. ~ Nick Miller.

No part of this conversation is making me wanna boil over with rage. ~ Nick Miller.

I’ve never been an inspiration before. I don’t like this much responsibility. ~ Nick Miller.

It smells like leather, and Teddy Roosevelt, and wistfulness. ~ Nick Miller.

If we needed to talk about feelings, they would be called ‘talkings.’ ~ Nick Miller.

Witty Nick Miller Quotes

I’m not putting on the kimono. It legitimizes you owning it. ~ Nick Miller.


I bought 10,000 minutes in 1999 and I’m still using them. ~ Nick Miller.

Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably. ~ Nick Miller.


You’re a whiskey girl, like me. ~ Nick Miller.

Pink robes are my catnip. ~ Nick Miller.


I refuse to pay for the weefee. ~ Nick Miller.

I once saw a zebra named Gavin give birth at the zoo, and I cried hysterically. ~ Nick Miller.

Not true. Everything has meaning. Everything is connected to something else. ~ Nick Miller.

I’ve got two perfectly good forks at the end of my arms. ~ Nick Miller.


My arms are so sore from doing so many push-ups. ~ Nick Miller.

You’re a terrible person. It’s hilarious. ~ Nick Miller.


Twenty pages. And they’re all good! Some of them are good. Five pages are good. I really like the title. ~ Nick Miller.

Humorous Nick Miller Quotes

I can’t believe I’m the sober one. That’s actually never happened before in my life. ~ Nick Miller.


I knew that French was gonna haunt me. ~ Nick Miller.

I’m gonna grab some old underpants and put a pair into the freezer for each of you. ~ Nick Miller.

I’d give you a hug, but my shirt smells pretty weird today. ~ Nick Miller.

I fell in love with Jess the minute she walked through the door. ~ Nick Miller.

You’re a big girl, you can watch Walking Dead alone. ~ Nick Miller.


When you put it like that, it sounds amazing and like prison. ~ Nick Miller.

I mean, I’m not doing squats or anything. I’m trying to eat less doughnuts. ~ Nick Miller.

Writers don’t read. We write. ~ Nick Miller.

Everybody has been flashed countless times, right? ~ Nick Miller.


I don’t know what ‘mazel tov’ means, but it doesn’t sound good. ~ Nick Miller.

She is sleeping. By herself. Which is called napping. ~ Nick Miller.

I’m not convinced I know how to read, I’ve just memorized a lot of words. ~ Nick Miller.

Men of means. ~ Nick Miller.

Top Nick Miller Quotes

It’s like a plant. It needs sun and air. ~ Nick Miller.

Sucks for me! ~ Nick Miller.


I am not a successful adult. I don’t eat vegetables and or take care of myself. ~ Nick Miller.

Guys, please let me hate myself and everything that I have created. ~ Nick Miller.

Well get ready for the skin circus you little peanut. ~ Nick Miller.

I want to go in my room and do weird stuff on my computer. ~ Nick Miller.

What does a man do about that pain? ~ Nick Miller.


I’m very focused. I thought I saw something shiny. ~ Nick Miller.

Of course we make decisions. How do you think I’m wearing clothes right now? ~ Nick Miller.

Looks like a puppet, like something an Italian whittled. ~ Nick Miller.

Funniest Nick Miller Quotes

I am not watching a kid get circumcised. ~ Nick Miller.


Drinking to forget? That’s my sweet spot! ~ Nick Miller.

I want magic – is that so bad? ~ Nick Miller.

I’ve done things. I wrote half a book about zombies! ~ Nick Miller.

You can go to my funeral but you can’t talk. My funeral is my time to shine. ~ Nick Miller.

Why lie? You know how many Millers have been or currently are in jail? ~ Nick Miller.

When I work out, which isn’t often, I listen to Huey Lewis because it pumps me up. ~ Nick Miller.


I stole that from Nelson Mandela. I added the part about the Penguin and the Riddler. ~ Nick Miller.

Stop being so mean to me or I swear to God I’m gonna fall in love with you. ~ Nick Miller.

That’s the only thing in the world I know to be true. ~ Nick Miller.

Famous Nick Miller Quotes

If you died, I’d be lost! ~ Nick Miller.


You’re a freaking gold digger, Jess! ~ Nick Miller.

It’s not gonna end well for these two. ~ Nick Miller.

I have decided to give up on women and put all of that energy into tomatoes. ~ Nick Miller.

You got hurt by a hog man! ~ Nick Miller.

I don’t deal with exes. They’re part of the past. You burn them swiftly and give their ashes to Poseidon. ~ Nick Miller.

Just be yourself, and if he’s not into Jessica Day, there’s something wrong with him. ~ Nick Miller.


I feel like you’re not meaning to say what you’re saying. ~ Nick Miller.

If I can’t have a kid with a woman, then maybe I’ll have one with my cousin. ~ Nick Miller.

I once tried on my girl cousin’s wool tights and I didn’t hate how it felt. ~ Nick Miller.

I know this isn’t gonna end well, but the middle part is gonna be awesome. ~ Nick Miller.


We can’t break up if I don’t hear you. No! La, la, la, la. ~ Nick Miller.

First order of business – we eat their food. ~ Nick Miller.

I like your hat. I like how it’s not a team or a logo – it’s just blue. ~ Nick Miller.

Inspiring Nick Miller Quotes

Turning lemonade into lemons since 1981. ~ Nick Miller.


You’re allowed to be happy, but it’s really annoying the way you’re doing it. ~ Nick Miller.

Is calling a girl ‘Shorty’ still cool? ~ Nick Miller.

I look very handsome. I look like I’m on Miami Vice. ~ Nick Miller.

Sponges make me feel exhilarated. ~ Nick Miller.

I found an ant farm filled with candy wrappers, is this essential? ~ Nick Miller.

That’s more like dork magic. ~ Nick Miller.

She’s not quirky. She has no bangs. ~ Nick Miller.


Hey! If I cooked up a whole chicken, would you guys have some? ~ Nick Miller.

DeeDee? That’s not a name. ~ Nick Miller.

I’m just telling her what kind of cake to bake me, son. ~ Nick Miller.


I’m perfectly fine to watch TV all day. ~ Nick Miller.

I don’t know if Hogwarts is near San Diego. I’ve never heard of it. ~ Nick Miller.

You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound by drinking alcohol. ~ Nick Miller.


No, we’re adult men. We’re cute. ~ Nick Miller.

Adele’s amazing. ~ Nick Miller.

I don’t believe dinosaurs existed. I’ve seen the science. I don’t believe it. ~ Nick Miller.

It’s not a perfect system Jess, but it’s mine okay? And it’s private. ~ Nick Miller.

Make up an excuse and get out of jury duty. Jess, please, I need you. ~ Nick Miller.

Trust me, I’m wearing frozen underpants right now and I feel amazing. ~ Nick Miller.

Just drive the car. I gotta tell my girlfriend that I don’t love her so she doesn’t leave me. ~ Nick Miller.


I moved to Los Angeles to get closer to whales so I could record them. ~ Nick Miller.

A bank is just a paper bag but with fancier walls. ~ Nick Miller.

I believe horses are from outer space. ~ Nick Miller.

So these were the 125 top Nick Miller quotes that are funny, hilarious and witty.

Also read: Andy Bernard Quotes from TV Show & The Office’ and Ragnar Lothbrok Quotes from TV Show & Vikings’.

Short Biography of Nick Miller

Nick Miller, the witty and grounded bartender from FOX’s “New Girl,” stands out for his sharp sarcasm and deep empathy, though he struggles to express his own feelings.

Living with Jess, Schmidt, and Winston, Nick faces love life ups and downs, including a pretend relationship with Jess and a fling with Amanda.

Full Name Nicholas Sean Miller
Portrayed by Jake Johnson
Born 29 September 1981
Nickname(s) Mountain Man, Nicholas, Turtle Face, Julius Pepperwood, Grumpy Mystery, Nicky, Nickels, Little Penis, Diarrhoea Head
Occupation Author, Bartender and co-owner of Clyde’s Bar/The Griffin (former)
First seen Pilot
Last seen Engram Pattersky

Despite dropping out of law school and his quirky habits, like makeshift repairs to save money, Nick’s loyalty and protective nature shine, especially toward Jess.

His backstory reveals a departure from law school to avoid becoming arrogant, highlighting his quest for personal integrity.

Short Biography of Jake Johnson

Jake Johnson, an accomplished actor and filmmaker, is renowned for his role as Nick Miller in the sitcom “New Girl,” earning him a nomination for Best Actor in a Comedy Series in 2013.


He lent his voice to Spider-Man in “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse” and its sequel, among other film roles.

Full Name Mark Jake Johnson Weinberger
Born May 28, 1978 (age 45) Evanston, Illinois, U.S.
Alma mater University of Iowa, New York University Tisch School of the Arts
Occupations Actor, Filmmaker
Years active 2002–present
Spouse Erin Payne ​(m. 2005)
Children 2

Born in Evanston, Illinois, Johnson faced family challenges early on and discovered his passion for acting and writing, leading him to success in both television and film.

In 2023, he expanded his talents to directing with “Self Reliance.”

Quick Facts about Nick Miller

  • Nick is a Chicago bartender known for his sarcasm and humor.
  • He has a talent for understanding others’ feelings but struggles with expressing his own.
  • Nick shares an apartment with Jess, Schmidt, and Winston.
  • His ex-girlfriend Caroline broke up with him, leading to various romantic rebounds.
  • Despite initial doubts, Nick becomes close friends with Paul.
  • Known as the most practical roommate, Nick enjoys fixing things and avoids spending.
  • He left law school with only three semesters remaining, much to his roommates’ amusement.
  • Nick’s realistic nature blends with a sharp wit, making him seem the most grounded.
  • He values privacy but has trouble with basic self-care like cleaning and cooking.
  • Financial management is not his forte; he often lacks money despite steady employment.
  • Nick’s loyalty shines when friends are in need, especially evident with Jess.
  • Protective of Jess, his feelings for her are poorly concealed due to his terrible lying skills.
  • Coming from a non-wealthy background, Nick’s parents supported his law education.
  • Disliking the arrogance law school bred in him, Nick left to seek self-improvement.
  • Early life snippets reveal Nick had a nanny, indicating his parents’ frequent absence.
  • Post-breakup with Caroline, Nick struggled, with Jess inadvertently reopening old wounds.
  • Jess posing as his girlfriend at a wedding stirred mixed feelings and confrontations with Caroline.
  • An embarrassing incident with Jess and a coworker highlighted Nick’s self-consciousness.
  • His subtle care for Jess is hinted at through gestures like buying her a rose.
  • Attempts to fix apartment issues himself often clash with Schmidt’s contrasting views.
  • Nick’s reluctance to seek medical help showcases his disdain for spending on health.
  • He once feared a serious health issue, but the relief shared with Jess tightened their bond.
  • Disputes over finances with Winston bring out Nick’s stubborn and frugal side.
  • Nick’s skepticism about technology led him to forgo a cell phone to save money.
  • A visit from an old college friend made Nick question his dating choices.
  • His involvement in Schmidt’s “douchebag jar” system underlines his quirky behavior.
  • Attempting to impress Jess’s interest, Russell, led to a humorous yet failed venture.
  • Nick and Jess’s relationship evolves significantly, marked by key moments and mutual support.
  • In Mexico, Nick’s impulsive nature lands him in trouble, showcasing his adventurous yet reckless side.
  • Nick’s attempts to support Jess at her new job reveal his dedication and quirky methods of helping.

Top Questions about Nick Miller

Q: What is Nick Miller’s personality type in “New Girl”?

A: Nick Miller is classified as an ISFP, which stands for Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Perceiving. He is guided by his values and principles, which are unique to him.

Q: How old is Nick Miller at the start of “New Girl”?

A: Nick starts the series at 30 years old, with his birthdate being September 29, 1981.

Q: Who are some significant people Nick Miller dated?

A: Nick had a four-year relationship with Caroline and later dated Julia Cleary, a lawyer. He is also best friends with his roommate Winston Bishop.

Q: Does Nick Miller achieve wealth in “New Girl”?

A: While Nick co-owns a bar and publishes two detective novels, he does not become extremely wealthy, aligning with the show’s theme that success isn’t solely based on financial or career achievements.

Q: Why did Jess and Nick break up in “New Girl”?

A: A small disagreement escalated into a large argument, leading them to break up due to perceived incompatibilities. However, their relationship continues to evolve in the series.

Q: Who is considered the most successful character from “New Girl”?

A: Zooey Deschanel’s character, Jess, is seen as the most successful due to her pivotal role and the show’s success.

Q: When do Nick and Jess first realize their feelings for each other in “New Girl”?

A: Their feelings surface in season 2, following a kiss during a game of True American, marking the start of their romantic development.

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Chandan Negi
Chandan Negi

I’m the Founder of Internet Pillar - I love sharing quotes and motivational content to inspire and motivate people - #quotes #motivation #internetpillar