Are you looking for the best ‘Ted Lasso’ quotes and sayings? I’ve rounded up some of the famous Ted Lasso quotes, sayings, captions for Instagram, and status messages for you.

Ted Lasso is a streaming sports comedy-drama series from the United States.

The story follows Ted Lasso, an American college football coach who is hired to coach an English soccer club in order to resent her ex-husband by the team’s owner.

While coping with his lack of expertise in the sport, Lasso seeks to win over the cautious English market with his folksy, upbeat manner.

The Ted Lasso character was created for a series of NBC Sports advertisements that aired during the 2013-14 season to promote the network’s Premier League coverage.

You will find below a curated collection of Ted Lasso quotes that you can read and share with others.


Best Ted Lasso Quotes

You say impossible, but all I hear is ‘I’m possible.’ ~ Ted Lasso.

She’s got some fences, alright, but you just gotta hop over ’em. ~ Ted Lasso.

Early drinkin’ means quick drunken. ~ Ted Lasso.

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It’s like a muffin, except it sucks all the spit out of your mouth. ~ Ted Lasso.

You beating yourself up is like Woody Allen playing the clarinet. I don’t wanna hear it. All right? ~ Ted Lasso.

Doing the right thing is never the wrong thing. ~ Ted Lasso.

You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It’s a goldfish. Y’know why? It’s got a 10-second memory. Be a goldfish. ~ Ted Lasso.

How many countries are in this country? ~ Ted Lasso.

It’s just a group of people who care, Roy. Not unlike folks at a hip-hop concert whose hands are not in the air. ~ Ted Lasso.

You are more mysterious than David Blaine reading a Sue Grafton novel at Area 51. ~ Ted Lasso.

I’ve never met someone who doesn’t eat sugar. Only heard about ’em, and they all live in this godless place called Santa Monica. ~ Ted Lasso.

I’m looking forward to the definition of relegation. ~ Ted Lasso.

If God wanted games to end in a tie, She wouldn’t have invented numbers, all right? ~ Ted Lasso.

If the Lasso way is wrong, it’s hard to imagine being right. ~ Ted Lasso.

If the internet has taught us anything, it’s that sometimes it’s easier to speak our minds anonymously. ~ Ted Lasso.

If you would have told me that I’d be drinking tea at 3 o’clock every day, about a year ago… I would have punched you in the mouth. ~ Ted Lasso.

Funny Ted Lasso Quotes

For me, success is not about the wins and losses. It’s about helping these young fellas be the best versions of themselves on and off the field. ~ Ted Lasso.

The idea behind every trick play is to have chaos rain down upon your opponents and stun them. Much like the lava did to those poor folks in Pompeii. ~ Ted Lasso.

It’s funny to think about the things in your life that can make you cry just knowing that they existed, can then become the same thing that make you cry knowing that they’re now gone. ~ Ted Lasso.

All right, fellas, you gotta remember, your body is like day-old rice. If it ain’t warmed up properly, something real bad could happen. ~ Ted Lasso.

Boy, I love meeting people’s moms. It’s like reading an instruction manual as to why they’re nuts. ~ Ted Lasso.

I want you to know, I value each of your opinions, even when you’re wrong. ~ Ted Lasso.

If I didn’t have any confidence, I never would’ve worn pajamas to my prom and ended up in jail the rest of that night. ~ Ted Lasso.

Seems like a smurf with an attitude would be a lot of fun to watch. ~ Ted Lasso.

You got Ronaldo and the fellow who bends it like himself. ~ Ted Lasso.

Hilarious Ted Lasso Quotes

If that’s a joke, I love it. If not, can’t wait to unpack that with you later. ~ Ted Lasso.

Yeah, I’d love to see Abbey Road. ~ Ted Lasso.

Ice cream’s the best. It’s kinda like seeing Billy Joel live. Never disappoints. ~ Ted Lasso.

Little girls are mysterious. And silly and powerful. I gave up trying to figure them out years ago. ~ Ted Lasso.

You’re telling me I could shatter every bone in my body, someone could just drop me off in front of any old hospital, dumped into a garbage can or something, and y’all patch me up, and I don’t have to pay jack squat? I tell you; I love this country. ~ Ted Lasso.

This woman is strong, confident, and powerful. Boss, I tell you, I’d hate to see you and Michelle Obama arm wrestle, but I wouldn’t be able take my eyes off of it, either. ~ Ted Lasso.

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As the man once said, the harder you work, the luckier you get. ~ Ted Lasso.

There’s a bunch of crazy stuff on Twitter. Heck, someone made an account for my mustache. ~ Ted Lasso.

You spoke to God?! ~ Ted Lasso.

Funniest Ted Lasso Quotes

You should do a TED Talk, ’cause right now you’re getting a whole heap of ‘Ted listen.’ ~ Ted Lasso.

I’m sort of famous for being almost famous. ~ Ted Lasso.

I think that if you care about someone and you got a little love in your heart, there ain’t nothing you can’t get through together. ~ Ted Lasso.

I have a really tricky time hearing folks that don’t believe in themselves. ~ Ted Lasso.

I haven’t seen someone that disappointed to see me since I wore a red baseball cap to a Planned Parenthood fundraiser. ~ Ted Lasso.

A palace made out of crystal seems mighty fragile to me. ~ Ted Lasso.

I’ve never been embarrassed about having streaks in my drawers. You know, it’s all part of growing up. ~ Ted Lasso.

I always figured that tea was just gonna taste like hot brown water. And you know what? I was right. Yeah, it’s horrible. No, thank you. ~ Ted Lasso.

Humorous Ted Lasso Quotes

Be honest with me. It’s a prank, right? The tea? Like when us tourist folks aren’t around, y’all know it tastes like garbage? You don’t love it. Its pigeon sweat. ~ Ted Lasso.

I think that’s what it’s all about. Embracing change. ~ Ted Lasso.

Living in the moment, it’s a gift. That’s why they call it the present. ~ Ted Lasso.

Our goal is to go out like Willie Nelson, on a high. ~ Ted Lasso.

Come on Rob! You gotta get it in there to get three points! ~ Ted Lasso.

Tea and I are still on a lifelong hiatus. ~ Ted Lasso.

Tea is horrible. Absolute garbage water. I don’t know why y’all do that. ~ Ted Lasso.

I come bearing sweet treats to numb the sting of defeat. ~ Ted Lasso.

I’m not sure you realize how psychologically healthy that actually is. ~ Ted Lasso.

That’s a special young man right there. Got talent for days, works hard, and he’s got a jawline like the White Cliffs of Dover. I’m always rootin’ for him. ~ Ted Lasso.

Memorable Ted Lasso Quotes

Sam was more open than the jar of peanut butter on my counter. ~ Ted Lasso.

I think I literally have a better understanding of who killed Kennedy than what is offside… It was the mob. ~ Ted Lasso.

I’m not sure what y’all’s smallest unit of measurement is here, but that’s about how much headway I made. ~ Ted Lasso.

We all know speed is important. But being able to stop and change directions quickly? Well, that’s like Kanye’s 808s & Heartbreak. It don’t get nearly enough credit. ~ Ted Lasso.

I never know how to react when a grown man beatboxes in front of me. ~ Ted Lasso.

What I can tell you is that with the exception of the wit and wisdom of Calvin and Hobbes, not much lasts forever. ~ Ted Lasso.

Coach Beard’s views on romantic relationships are not too dissimilar from his views on cooking steak. You know, you spend any more than five minutes on one – it loses its flavor. ~ Ted Lasso.

Well, normally right back to the counter because there’s been a terrible mistake. ~ Ted Lasso.

Top Ted Lasso Quotes

I believe in Communism. Rom-communism, that is. If Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan can go through some heartfelt struggles and still end up happy, then so can we. ~ Ted Lasso.

Even Woody and Buzz got under each other’s plastic. ~ Ted Lasso.

I shouldn’t bring an umbrella to a brainstorm. ~ Ted Lasso.

I feel like we fell out of a lucky tree, hit every branch on the way down, ended up in a pool full of cash and Sour Patch Kids. ~ Ted Lasso.

Great party game, horrible relationship status. ~ Ted Lasso.

Like I always say, sometimes the best stew is the one you leave sitting on the stove overnight ’cause you fell asleep watching Citizen Kane after too many beers. ~ Ted Lasso.

Well, as my doctor told me when I got addicted to fettuccine Alfredo, that’s a little rich for my blood. ~ Ted Lasso.

I always feel so bad for the cows, but you gotta do it; otherwise, they get lost. That was a branding joke. If we were in Kansas right now, I’d just be sitting here waiting for you to finish laughing. ~ Ted Lasso.

If we see each other in our dreams, let’s goof around a little bit, pretend like we don’t know each other. ~ Ted Lasso.

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Ties and no playoffs? Why do you even do this? ~ Ted Lasso.

Fellas, I could watch you do this jaunty North Korean military thing you do all day, but I need a favor. ~ Ted Lasso.

I like my water like Kyrie Irving likes his Earth. Flat. ~ Ted Lasso.

You tore your butt. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. ~ Ted Lasso.

Famous Ted Lasso Quotes

It’s kind of like back in the ’80s when ‘bad’ meant ‘good.’ ~ Ted Lasso.

It’s kinda like all the nipples in that movie Showgirls. Halfway through, you don’t even notice. You just kinda get sucked into the narrative. ~ Ted Lasso.

That’s the funny thing about coincidences, ain’t it? Sometimes they just happen. ~ Ted Lasso.

Back where I’m from, you try to end a game in a tie; well, that might as well be the first sign of the apocalypse. ~ Ted Lasso.

Taking on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse, isn’t it? If you’re comfortable while you’re doing it, you’re probably doing it wrong. ~ Ted Lasso.

We’re gonna call this drill ‘The Exorcist’ cause it’s all about controlling possession. ~ Ted Lasso.

You gonna give me the cold shoulder and the silent treatment. That’s a combo. Does it come with a medium drink? ~ Ted Lasso.

Divorce is hard. It doesn’t matter if you’re the one leaving or if…you’re the one who got left. It makes folks do crazy things. ~ Ted Lasso.


So these were the 80+ top Ted Lasso quotes and sayings on teamwork, goldfish, tea and hope.

Tell me in the comments section, which Ted Lasso quotes were your favorite?

If you like these quotes and sayings, then you can also read my other posts on Emmitt Smith quotes and Erich Hartmann quotes.

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