A witty individual is one who is well known for making insightful and funny remarks.

In conversations, wit is advantageous. It shows that you have the ability to switch topics with ease, make people laugh, and tell engaging stories.

I have outlined some of the best witty quotes for you.


Witty Quotes to Sharpen Your Brain and Impress Others

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1. “One man’s theology is another man’s belly laugh.” ~ Robert Heinlein.

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2. “I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.” ~ Mae West.

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3. “A grieving woman could sit alone on a jetty in the early morning. But not with a book in her hands.” ~ Pia Juul.

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4. “I’m not anti-social. I’m just not social.” ~ Woody Allen.

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5. “Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.” ~ Tina Fey.

6. “A painting is worth a thousand confused art-gallery visitors.” ~ Ljupka Cvetanova.

7. “The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.” ~ Lily Tomlin.

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8. “The greatest risk is to risk nothing at all.” ~ Leo Buscaglia.

9. “I love Stephen Fry. His tweets are witty, poignant, and intelligent.” ~Annabelle Wallis.

10. “The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.” ~ Henry David Thoreau.

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11. “Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.” ~ Woody Allen.

12. “If a man does his best, what else is there?” ~ George S. Patton Jr.

13. “One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.” ~ Rita Mae Brown.

Top Witty Quotes

14. “A person is wise if he listens to millions of advice and doesn’t implement any of it.” ~ Michael Bassey Johnson.

15. “When we talk to God, we’re praying. When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic.” ~ Jane Wagner.

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16. “Common sense is not so common.” ~ Voltaire.

17. “In most cases being a good boss means hiring talented people and then getting out of their way.” ~ Tina Fey

18. “I’m an angel. The horns are only there to hold up the halo.” ~ Suzanne Wright

19. “I’ll go anywhere as long as it’s forward.” ~ David Livingstone

20. “Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.” ~ Douglas Adams

21. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” ~ Bob Hope

22. “It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.” ~ Carl Sagan.

Famous Witty Quotes

23. “You can’t just be crass without being witty. Angry crass is horrible.” ~ Ali Wong

24. “The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.” ~ Robert Brault

25. “It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.” ~ Niccolò Machiavelli

26. “Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.” ~ John F. Kennedy

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27. “Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.” ~ Erica Jong

28. “Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.” ~ Rudyard Kipling

29. Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.” ~ William Shakespeare

30. “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” ~ Will Rogers

31. “If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.” ~ Woody Allen

32. “The problem with a life spent reading is you know too much.” ~ Josh Lanyon

32. “All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.” ~ Arthur Schopenhauer

33. “Men, their rights, and nothing more; women, their rights, and nothing less.” ~ Susan B. Anthony

34. Arguing with a fool proves there are two.” ~ Doris M. Smith.

35. “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” ~ Warren Zevon

36. “It is surprising what a man can do when he has to, and how little most men will do when they don’t have to.” ~ Walter Linn

37. “My lines are witty in nature and I love to be surrounded by people who are witty.” ~ Badshah

38. “We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.” ~ Woody Allen

39. “Give me a museum and I’ll fill it.” ~ Pablo Picasso

40. “If you fight angry, you make a lot of mistakes, and when you fight a sharp, witty fighter like me, you can’t make mistakes.” ~ Floyd Mayweather, Jr.

41. “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” ~ Confucius

42. “Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.” ~ Mark Twain

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43. “Friends are like melons; shall I tell you why? To find a good one, you must one hundred try.” ~ Claude Mermet

44. “The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it’s the same problem you had last year.” ~ John Foster Dulles

45. “Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.” ~ Oscar Wilde

46. “Never mistake motion for action.” ~ Ernest Hemingway

47. “Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

48. “Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” ~ Albert Einstein

49. “If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?” ~ Lily Tomlin

50. “Your wit makes others witty.” ~ Catherine the Great

51. “If someone makes you feel wrong-footed, you’re unlikely to find them witty.” ~ Rosamund Pike

52. “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” ~ Edmund Burke

53. “Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.” ~ Albert Einstein

54. “Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.” ~ Mark Twain.

55. “A word of kindness is seldom spoken in vain, while witty sayings are as easily lost as the pearls slipping from a broken string.” ~ George Dennison Prentice.

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56. “To improve is to change. To be perfect is to change often.” ~ Winston Churchill.

57. “Try to learn something about everything and everything about something.” ~ Thomas Henry Huxley.

58. “I’m single because I was born that way.” ~ Mae West.

59. “You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do.” ~ Henry Ford.

60. “It is not what you gather but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.” ~ Helen Walton.

Inspiring Witty Quotes

61. “Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” ~ Groucho Marx.

62. “I am attracted to intelligence, a witty sense of humor, an adventurous outlook on life and spiritual awareness about one’s self and the world.” ~ Tanit Phoenix.

63. “Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.” ~ H. G. Wells.

64. “Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!” ~ Groucho Marx.

65. Fools learn from experience. Wise men learn from the experience of others.” ~ Otto von Bismarck.

66. “That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.” ~ George Carlin.

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67. “You have to count on living every single day in a way you believe will make you feel good about your life – so that if it were over tomorrow, you’d be content with yourself.” ~ Jane Seymour.

68. Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no fibs.” ~ Oliver Goldsmith.

69. “When I die cremate me so I can finally fit into something small.” ~ Xondra Day.

70. “It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?” ~ Ronald Reagan.



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